Episode 41

full
Published on:

21st Jun 2022

Vulnerable Connection, Coping, and 3 Q's to Ask Your Kids Daily // with Cai Graham

In Episode 41 of Know Them, Be Them, Raise Them, Cai Graham chats with host Carmelita (Cat) Tiu about connecting with our tweens and teens, and coping.  

Some highlights:

  • The importance of being vulnerable in front of their kids
  • Why we shouldn’t beat ourselves up for the challenges we feel when raising tweens & teens
  • 3 questions to ask your tweens & teens every day
  • Healthy ways to cope

Guest Bio:

Cai Graham is a Parenting & Teen Mentor, Podcaster, International Speaker and Amazon #1 bestselling author of The Teen Toolbox™️. She is a mum of two fantastic young adults in their late 20’s - so she has been deep in the parenting trenches.

Cai has blended nearly three decades of motherhood with her background as a Master Practitioner in: NLP, Hypnotherapy and Coaching, together with her experience as a ChildLine counsellor to create her TEEN Toolbox™️ Series  which provides parents and teenagers with the tools to successfully navigate this vital (and sometimes rocky) stages of adolescence.

To learn more about Cai Graham:

  • Visit www.caigraham.com
  • Follow her on Instagram @caigraham
  • Find her on Facebook - Facebook Page: @thecaigraham / Facebook Group: Parent & Teen Toolbox
  • Her Amazon bestselling book: The Teen Toolbox

Check out Cai’s videos:


In this episode – references and additional resources:

Previous episodes of Know Them, Be Them, Raise Them related to this topic that you may find helpful:

Brad Yates 



Know Them, Be Them, Raise Them

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Transcript
Cai Graham:

when they become teenagers, our role as parents changes.

Cai Graham:

We sort of, like it or not, have to start treating our kids more

Cai Graham:

as young adults and as equals.

Cai Graham:

So we go from manager to mentor and that's when we have to start guiding and that's

Cai Graham:

where we have to start role modeling.

Cai Graham:

And if we want to talk kids to start opening up to us,

Cai Graham:

we need to open up to them as well.

Cai Graham:

We need to be the change we want to see.

Cai Graham:

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: Welcome to know them.

Cai Graham:

Be them, raise them a show.

Cai Graham:

So to help busy, mindful, and growth oriented moms of girls stay

Cai Graham:

informed and inspired, especially.

Cai Graham:

Through their daughters, tween and teen years.

Cai Graham:

I'm your host Carmelita two.

Cai Graham:

If you like what you hear or you find something helpful in this podcast.

Cai Graham:

Please hit, subscribe or follow.

Cai Graham:

Tell your friends and leave a review on apple podcast.

Cai Graham:

Podcasts or Spotify, you may think subscribing and reviews don't

Cai Graham:

help, but they actually do help other listeners find this show.

Cai Graham:

So thank you in advance for your support and thanks to all of

Cai Graham:

you who have already done so.

Cai Graham:

It really, really means so much.

Cai Graham:

My guest today is Chi gram.

Cai Graham:

She's a parenting and teen mentor.

Cai Graham:

Podcaster international speaker and bestselling author of the team toolbox.

Cai Graham:

She's a mom of of two fantastic young adults.

Cai Graham:

So she's been deep in the parenting trenches.

Cai Graham:

Kai has blended nearly three decades.

Cai Graham:

Needs of motherhood with her background as a master practitioner in NLP hypnosis.

Cai Graham:

Hypnotherapy and coaching together with her experience as a Childline counselor.

Cai Graham:

To create her team toolbox series, which provides parents and teenagers with the

Cai Graham:

tools to successfully navigate the vital and sometimes Rocky stages of adolescents.

Cai Graham:

It's her mission to help parents to support their children so that together

Cai Graham:

we can build a mentally healthier and happier generation of young people.

Cai Graham:

Kai was here before in episode 40 to talk about self-harm.

Cai Graham:

She unpacked why it happens and how we can best support our kids.

Cai Graham:

If they are contemplating or engaging in self harm.

Cai Graham:

Today our discussion is centered around connection and coping.

Cai Graham:

Why it's so important for parents to show up with the vulnerability.

Cai Graham:

Questions.

Cai Graham:

We can ask to foster deeper connection with our kids.

Cai Graham:

And healthy Coping techniques Here's our conversation

Cai Graham:

we like our kids to look to us to go mum and dad had got

Cai Graham:

the answers but sometimes we don't.

Cai Graham:

And actually sometimes it's a bit of a relief for kids to realize that we don't

Cai Graham:

have it all mapped out because they don't.

Cai Graham:

And it's like, well, we'll get through this, we'll do this.

Cai Graham:

And it's putting the positive on a negative situation and

Cai Graham:

going, come on, we've got this.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

yeah.

Cai Graham:

In together and we will move forward as quickly or slowly as you need.

Cai Graham:

Because sometimes as I said, we've rolled up our sleeves and go, right,

Cai Graham:

well, we'll have this sorted in a week and it doesn't always work like that.

Cai Graham:

And I think the thing is to remember your child is an adult in waiting.

Cai Graham:

And as a teenager, they want independence.

Cai Graham:

So sometimes we have to go slowly.

Cai Graham:

We have to respect their wishes, respect what they are going through.

Cai Graham:

And that can be really frustrating when you think that you have all the

Cai Graham:

answers and you know, but it's just in order to gain your child's trust.

Cai Graham:

It's a matter of sort of giving them the reigns a bit.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Two things that I really appreciate about.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Kind of walking alongside them.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Um, one is, it's not me against you.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

If there's a disagreement or an issue it's us against the problem.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

And, and so reframing it that way, like you were saying about, we're a team we're

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

in this together, we're, we'll figure it out together and I have your back.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

I think that that perspective shift is so great because I.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Definitely inclined to fix.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

And so,

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

so

Cai Graham:

us are, I think.

Cai Graham:

Yeah.

Cai Graham:

Yeah,

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

but also the ability to show your kids, that you

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

don't have it all figured out and that you make mistakes too, or just are,

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

feeling things and figuring things out as you go showing them that also gives

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

them permission to feel like that's okay.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

And that's something I'm definitely learning for myself.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

A lot of families don't grow up talking about feelings very much, myself included.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

But giving them that permission by modeling that for them is I would

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

think a huge cycle breaker and shift in hopefully generational patterns to come.

Cai Graham:

I think many of us are, you know, especially sort of my age.

Cai Graham:

I was bought up in a generation of children should be seen and not heard.

Cai Graham:

And so we as parents that's how we've been.

Cai Graham:

Dare.

Cai Graham:

I say it programmed.

Cai Graham:

And yet suddenly the goalposts have changed and we're doing it all

Cai Graham:

differently and it just feels uneasy.

Cai Graham:

And we don't know how to talk about feelings and we don't know how to

Cai Graham:

talk about emotions and that's okay.

Cai Graham:

When.

Cai Graham:

Uh, vulnerable.

Cai Graham:

It shows the, our strength and our courage of being able to get it wrong.

Cai Graham:

And I think kids need to see that nowadays they have this rose tinted social

Cai Graham:

media world where everything's perfect and actually, you know, it's any sign

Cai Graham:

of failure or not being able to cope is, is always looked upon negatively.

Cai Graham:

So if we, as parents can role model the fact that it's all right.

Cai Graham:

If you don't have it all mapped out, it's all right.

Cai Graham:

If you fall down, you just need to dust yourself up and

Cai Graham:

take the learnings from it.

Cai Graham:

. As parents when we, when our kids are teenagers, we beat ourselves up.

Cai Graham:

So for flip sake I've been doing this for at least 10 years.

Cai Graham:

Surely I should know what I'm doing by now.

Cai Graham:

And actually we don't because the goalposts keep on changing and, you know,

Cai Graham:

When you sort five years old, you're micromanaging them and you know,

Cai Graham:

making sure the pack lunches fine and Dustin and down when they don't

Cai Graham:

get sort of, spelling and all that sort of stuff, and you're sort

Cai Graham:

of managing them and that's fine.

Cai Graham:

When they become teenagers, you can't manage a teenager.

Cai Graham:

It just doesn't happen.

Cai Graham:

And our role as parents changes.

Cai Graham:

We sort of, like it or not, have to start treating our kids more

Cai Graham:

as young adults and as equals.

Cai Graham:

So we go from manager to mentor and that's when we have to start guiding and that's

Cai Graham:

where we have to start role modeling.

Cai Graham:

And if we want to talk kids to start opening up to us,

Cai Graham:

we need to open up to them as well.

Cai Graham:

We need to be the change we want to see.

Cai Graham:

So it's quite hard for many parents, but if we leave ourselves

Cai Graham:

vulnerable, if we still go, I don't quite know what I'm doing here.

Cai Graham:

I don't mean sort of to tell them about you know, you're defaulting

Cai Graham:

on your mortgage payments.

Cai Graham:

But what I do mean is, you know, I'm sort of struggling here

Cai Graham:

because this is how I'm feeling.

Cai Graham:

And kids can then sort of see, well, okay mom or dad, or whoever is having a

Cai Graham:

hard time, but they're working through it.

Cai Graham:

They're still laughing and joking.

Cai Graham:

They're still able to put one foot in front of the other and it is

Cai Graham:

it's mentoring and showing your kids how to deal with difficult

Cai Graham:

situations, complex emotions.

Cai Graham:

That is showing them how to deal with it without resorting to self harm, which

Cai Graham:

is that sort of that instant physical hit that takes away the emotional pain.

Cai Graham:

Um, and I'll tell you I've got a good exercise.

Cai Graham:

Very briefly.

Cai Graham:

Forgive me.

Cai Graham:

It's trying to find some information, how to communicate with your child

Cai Graham:

a little bit better without giving them the Spanish inquisition.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Okay.

Cai Graham:

And this cause teenagers don't want to talk to their parents, you

Cai Graham:

know?

Cai Graham:

W why would they, so it's three questions that you should probably ask once a

Cai Graham:

day, too much and it loses its impact.

Cai Graham:

But this is for parents say that they know.

Cai Graham:

I don't quite know what's going on in my child's life, but I, think it's okay.

Cai Graham:

The first question is what's your number and that's on a scale of one to

Cai Graham:

10, how you're feeling, you know, one being very, very dark, suicidal, and 10

Cai Graham:

being, oh, skipping through the tulips.

Cai Graham:

You don't need to worry about me.

Cai Graham:

And if you hear that once a day, you go, oh, all right.

Cai Graham:

They were a seven today and there are six that that's okay.

Cai Graham:

Or there are certain yesterday, but now there are three, hang on a minute.

Cai Graham:

What's going on.

Cai Graham:

So that's your first question.

Cai Graham:

Your second question is what's your word?

Cai Graham:

And what you're looking for is a describing word for your child

Cai Graham:

to tell you how they're feeling.

Cai Graham:

And invariably, it starts off angry, and, and, you know, you can start unpacking it.

Cai Graham:

Is that the same angry as yesterday?

Cai Graham:

And they go, oh no, no, no, no.

Cai Graham:

Yesterday I was angry because I got an F in math.

Cai Graham:

Well, why did you, well, I didn't submit my work.

Cai Graham:

Oh, okay.

Cai Graham:

But why are you angry today that, oh, so-and-so said something, you

Cai Graham:

know, in line and it made me feel sort of, you know, really small.

Cai Graham:

Okay.

Cai Graham:

That's a dip that could be betrayal that could be judged.

Cai Graham:

You know, this gives you, this is a skill.

Cai Graham:

It gives your child the emotional intelligence to start working

Cai Graham:

out how they're feeling.

Cai Graham:

This starts giving them labels.

Cai Graham:

Oh, okay.

Cai Graham:

I'm actually not as bad as I thought I was today, or this is actually what's going

Cai Graham:

on and yeah, I'm right to feel this way.

Cai Graham:

And it helps them to develop an emotional maturity.

Cai Graham:

question and you have to abide by this as a parent is, "do you want to talk?"

Cai Graham:

And embarrassingly, the answer is no, no.

Cai Graham:

Oh God, no, no.

Cai Graham:

I mean, I use this no seriously again, no way.

Cai Graham:

And then you get that 95% of the time, 5% of the time you might just go.

Cai Graham:

Yes.

Cai Graham:

And then.

Cai Graham:

You sit back and you go is now a good time.

Cai Graham:

And your child might sort of go, no, I need to get my head straight, but

Cai Graham:

I'll come back to, or they might go.

Cai Graham:

Yeah.

Cai Graham:

Could we that.

Cai Graham:

Then don't sit them across the table and do the Spanish inquisition.

Cai Graham:

Go for a walk, bake cookies, go for a drive.

Cai Graham:

But something that opens up that dialogue and it's basically: shoot.

Cai Graham:

Tell me, tell me what's going on.

Cai Graham:

What's happening in your life.

Cai Graham:

And it could just be tiny stuff that we still need to hear about because

Cai Graham:

when we listened to the tiny stuff and they trust us, they'll start

Cai Graham:

telling us about the big stuff.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Hmm.

Cai Graham:

And that opens up the dialogue and that tells your child.

Cai Graham:

Oh, they've got my back I'm okay.

Cai Graham:

And so if that gives them the safety blanket to know that you're there to

Cai Graham:

support them, and it allows you to realize on a sliding scale, they doing

Cai Graham:

all right or no, they're struggling a bit.

Cai Graham:

And I need to just pay a bit more attention and watch

Cai Graham:

out to what's going on.

Cai Graham:

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: Those are so helpful.

Cai Graham:

I, I mean, on so many levels.

Cai Graham:

There's a, a part of me that loves data.

Cai Graham:

Right.

Cai Graham:

And looking at things big picture so that consistent showing up and questioning

Cai Graham:

and encouraging them to have that self-awareness and then having that

Cai Graham:

over time, not just once every six months or once when you see them looking

Cai Graham:

upset, but even on good days, you know?

Cai Graham:

So I, Yeah.

Cai Graham:

it's, it's, it's a really wonderful way to get that information.

Cai Graham:

And then.

Cai Graham:

I completely relate to when they say yes, I'd like to talk and

Cai Graham:

not sitting across from them.

Cai Graham:

I just noticed this about myself as I became an adult was the most intense

Cai Graham:

conversations I had with my mom tended to be when we were in the car and I

Cai Graham:

didn't have to look at her in the eye.

Cai Graham:

Um, we were, I could stare at something else, you know, so, that all resonates

Cai Graham:

and makes so much sense and it's easy.

Cai Graham:

It feels attainable.

Cai Graham:

It is.

Cai Graham:

And I think that the great thing about that is, as you say, this is

Cai Graham:

positive, as opposed to, you know, the negative, you know, I am feeling

Cai Graham:

an eight out of 10 and I'm feeling sort of, you know, hugely relieved.

Cai Graham:

Great.

Cai Graham:

Let's talk about that and no, you're all right.

Cai Graham:

I'm fine.

Cai Graham:

Other times, and it is celebrated helps you celebrate your child's

Cai Graham:

wins as well as their struggles.

Cai Graham:

And so that just gives you a little glimpse into what's going on

Cai Graham:

because let's face it as parents.

Cai Graham:

We are desperate for information, but the older they get, the less we get.

Cai Graham:

And so at least this is giving them the control to give us as much information

Cai Graham:

as, as they want to, but it's giving us the control that we're probably getting

Cai Graham:

the basic information that we need.

Cai Graham:

So that helps us just regulate what's going on at home.

Cai Graham:

It's best to start this, not when the chips are down, it's best to start this

Cai Graham:

when everything's going well, so that, and you will get them when you hit struggles.

Cai Graham:

And when your child hits struggles, you are more briefed with what's

Cai Graham:

going on and that they are used to sort of communicating with you.

Cai Graham:

And they know that actually we are coming as parents.

Cai Graham:

From a place of the best of intentions to support them rather than to make them feel

Cai Graham:

bad about whatever's going on in their world, because they are still developing.

Cai Graham:

They are still young, they are still learning and we can

Cai Graham:

hopefully guide them to something.

Cai Graham:

And it might, it might be professional help, or it might just be, you know,

Cai Graham:

they do say a problem shares is a problem halved, and maybe it's just sort of.

Cai Graham:

I don't know what's going on.

Cai Graham:

It's just chaos.

Cai Graham:

And the point is, is, yeah, but sweetheart, didn't you see, I had

Cai Graham:

the same sort of rubbish going on a couple of days ago, but we get

Cai Graham:

through this together and that's just mirroring to your child that actually,

Cai Graham:

yeah, I'm afraid life does strike out curve balls, but it's all right.

Cai Graham:

It's not the end of the world.

Cai Graham:

And we can deal with them together, which is a lot healthier way of doing that.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

yes.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Uh, on that note, do you have any other suggestions as to

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

coping strategies for teens?

Cai Graham:

The, the immediate chaos in my head the best way to deal

Cai Graham:

with that is breathing exercises.

Cai Graham:

Um, and you know, some people call it belly breath, some call it, box breathing.

Cai Graham:

You know, a lot of schools are now teaching this because breath

Cai Graham:

work is the fastest way to press pause in a chaotic mind.

Cai Graham:

You know, if you ever sort of see, you know, you've been to an interview

Cai Graham:

or you're just about to make a phone call, we just sort of sit down and just

Cai Graham:

stop and just take five deep breaths.

Cai Graham:

It helps us ground ourselves better.

Cai Graham:

Um, a lot of kids love music, they sort of find that music as a sort

Cai Graham:

of great outlet for just, you know, sorting out the chaos in their heads.

Cai Graham:

A great way I would suggest is journaling.

Cai Graham:

Um, because that allows us to get, get rid of all this rubbish in our head.

Cai Graham:

And sometimes, you know, you just need to put it down on paper.

Cai Graham:

You can keep a journal and it could be lovely or you can get it out on

Cai Graham:

paper, scribbling it up and burn it or get rid of it or whatever.

Cai Graham:

But it's just that physical act of getting this chaos out.

Cai Graham:

It doesn't have to make sense.

Cai Graham:

Um, and sometimes I suggest having a journaling practice.

Cai Graham:

So you do this you know, either each morning, sometimes it's chaotic

Cai Graham:

for school, so maybe each evening.

Cai Graham:

And it's just getting rid of all that.

Cai Graham:

Um, another great technique.

Cai Graham:

Actually, when I worked in schools, this was a technique that the

Cai Graham:

teenagers loved the most, which is called emotional freedom technique,

Cai Graham:

otherwise known as tapping.

Cai Graham:

I've got a video on it, but you can Google it.

Cai Graham:

EFT or tapping.

Cai Graham:

And there's a fantastic guy called Brad Yates who has a full

Cai Graham:

YouTube channel devoted to this.

Cai Graham:

I call it acupuncture without the needles, because it releases that

Cai Graham:

tension and pressure through.

Cai Graham:

We all have sort of energy running through us and sometimes it gets

Cai Graham:

trapped and we feel really stressed.

Cai Graham:

And you tapped away on various pressure points, where the acupuncture

Cai Graham:

needle is going, that, you know, and, and that is a great way.

Cai Graham:

that was the one, you know, told teenagers about all these things and they know

Cai Graham:

what actually tapping was the thing that worked for us, because you can do it on

Cai Graham:

your face, which is fine, but you probably wouldn't want to do that waiting for a

Cai Graham:

bus, or you can just tap on the nail beds.

Cai Graham:

Um, but do that under the desk or when you're starting.

Cai Graham:

With your hands in your pockets or something.

Cai Graham:

That was the one that , even though it looks bonkers, it's the

Cai Graham:

one that works the best for kids.

Cai Graham:

So, or the one that they liked the best as well.

Cai Graham:

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: That's so fascinating to me.

Cai Graham:

I love discovering new things and um, I definitely have to check that out.

Cai Graham:

Yeah, the breathing techniques fabulous.

Cai Graham:

Because you can be doing that sitting on a bus, you can do is sitting in the exam,

Cai Graham:

you know, no one knows what's going on?

Cai Graham:

So you don't actually sort of have to look like you're having a meltdown.

Cai Graham:

You can just sit there and go hang on a minute.

Cai Graham:

In one minute, after I've done this, I will feel calmer.

Cai Graham:

And it really, really helps.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Such good tips, such good advice.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Thank you so much.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Kai.

Cai Graham:

My pleasure.

Cai Graham:

Thank you so much.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

I'm so grateful for my time with Chi.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

She has a reassuring and Frank way of encouraging people that left me feeling.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

I.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

I guess capable, uh, empowered and, kind of excited to try these

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

questions and tools with my daughters.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

So here are my top takeaways from this episode.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Number one.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Not only is it okay to be.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

The vulnerable with your kids, but it's beneficial for them.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

For many kids, it's a relief to hear that their parents don't have it.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Figured out.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Also you'll be role modeling to them that it's okay to admit

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

you don't know something and you can lean into learning together.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Together.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

And you'll show them that you have the strength and courage to be wrong.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Number two.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

While we were managers when our kids were younger.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

We're more like mentors in this state.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

If we want kids to start opening up to us, we need to open up to them as well.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Number three.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Tweens and teens are adults in the making.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

They need to feel some degree of independence and autonomy in the process

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

of managing their emotions and problems.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

We have to walk alongside them and respect what they're going through and

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

the pace of their healing or growth.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Which might be the Frustrating if you have the tendency to

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

want to fix things right away

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Number four.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Here are Kai's three questions that we can ask of our tweens and teens.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Number one, what's your number of how you're feeling from one to 10?

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Number two.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

What's your word to describe how you're feeling today.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

And number three.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Do you want to talk?

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Asking these consistently will increase your child's emotional self-awareness

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

and strengthen their vocabulary.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Tabulary for emotions and it'll give you a bit of insight into their world.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Plus you'll remind.

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Find them often that you are there for them and have their back.

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Number five to help with coping and managing emotions.

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Encourage your tween or teen to explore breathing exercises.

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Listening to music that helps to ground them.

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I'm journaling.

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And EFT or tapping.

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Kai has provided links to videos.

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She's.

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Is created on breathing exercises and tapping.

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Those In the show notes so check those out

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To learn more about Cai Graham.

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Visit www.kaigraham.com.

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. That's C a I G R a H a m.com.

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You can also follow her on Instagram at Chi gram.

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And find her on Facebook, her Facebook @thecaigraham.

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And her Facebook group.

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Is called the parent and teen toolbox.

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A huge thanks for listening.

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If you found something helpful or insightful.

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Remember to subscribe or follow, tell a friend and leave a review

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on apple podcasts and Spotify.

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I'm honored and humbled to share a portion of your day with you.

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And here's to strong women.

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May we know them, may we be them?

Show artwork for Know Them, Be Them, Raise Them

About the Podcast

Know Them, Be Them, Raise Them
Helping moms be & raise strong women
Are you a growth-oriented, mindful and busy #girlmom who wants to raise strong daughters? Me too! This is a show for us -- moms who want to show up with intention, impact and grace, for ourselves and our daughters.


Each episode tackles timely (and sometimes tough) topics, to inform and inspire moms of girls: boundaries, self-care, creating safe spaces, self confidence, intuition, negative patterns, body positivity. I also tackle issues confronting tween/teen girls today, like drops in self-esteem, friendship challenges, peer pressure, consent/dating, body image, gender stereotypes, stress, and more.


Tune in weekly for short episodes (under 25 minutes) filled with inspiration, insights and actionable tips from experts, moms who’ve been there, and host Carmelita Tiu (a mom of two girls herself).


Visit www.knowberaisethem.com and follow @knowberaisethem on Instagram for more info.


And here’s to strong women -- may we know them, may we be them, and may we raise them.

About your host

Profile picture for Carmelita Tiu

Carmelita Tiu

Service, creativity, and human potential -- these things inspire Carmelita Tiu as an attorney, podcaster, creative, educator and parent. After receiving her art degree and law degree, she worked as an attorney at The Oprah Winfrey Show and OWN: The Oprah Winfrey Network for several years, then pivoted to the design and advertising world. She's also held adjunct professorships at DePaul University and Columbia College Chicago, and served on the boards of numerous cultural and community service organizations.

As a curious and committed mom to two daughters, Carmelita recently launched the podcast, "Know Them, Be Them, Raise Them," a show that informs and inspires mindful and growth-oriented moms of girls -- so they can show up for themselves and their daughters the way they want to. "Know Them, Be Them, Raise Them" is on all the major podcast platforms, or head to knowberaisethem.com.

Though she's based in Chicago, she's currently looping around the U.S. with her family for the 2021-22 school year -- a bucket list dive into memory-making, hyperfocusing on the family, and pouring into passion projects.