Episode 46

full
Published on:

24th Jan 2023

The Power of Tiny Habits // with Julie DeLucca-Collins

We’re still early in 2023 and if you’re like me, you’re still jazzed about goals, intentions, resolutions, etc.  Julie DeLucca-Collins joins host Carmelita Tiu to talk about the power of tiny habits, and how small habits can build into big results.

Listen to hear:

  • How motivation doesn’t work when creating habits, and what does
  • The recipe for creating tiny habits that stick
  • The importance of celebrating even the small wins

About Our Guest

Julie DeLucca-Collins is the Founder and CEO of Go Confidently Services, the host of the popular Casa DeConfidence Podcast®, and her weekly Radio Show Confident You featured on a global talk radio network.  

As a Business and Life Strategist Coach, Julie helps women business owners launch or grow their businesses, get clients, be productive, and achieve their dreams. Julie helps her clients create simple habits to achieve goals and change their lives. 

Julie is a sought-after public speaker, author, trainer, and course creator. She is certified as a coach in Cognitive Behavioral Techniques, Holistic Coach, and Tiny Habits. She is also certified as a Social Emotional Learning Facilitator and has completed her 200-hour Yoga Teacher Certification. Julie enjoys helping her clients build mental fitness and improve their mindset to be at peace and improve peak performance. Julie is also the #1 best-selling author of the book Confident You (simple habits to live the life you've imagined). 

Julie has been honored with the "25 Most Powerful Minority Women in Business Award." by the Minority Enterprise Executive Council in Washington, DC. Julie and her Podcast co-host/producer husband Dan reside in Vernon, CT, with their fur babies, Yogi Bear, Junior, and Simba.

To learn more about Julie and her work, connect with her here:

References in this Episode:

About Your Host, Carmelita / Cat / Millie Tiu

Mom, spouse, coach, podcaster, wordsmith, legal eagle.  Endlessly curious about how we can show up better for ourselves – because when we do that, we also show up better for our kids and those around us.  Visit carmelitatiu.com to learn more about Cat, and for info on 1:1 coaching, the mom collective, and her monthly newsletter.


Know Them, Be Them, Raise Them

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Transcript
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Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: Welcome to know them.

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Be them, raise them a show to help moms stay informed and inspired so

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they can show up for themselves and their daughters the way they want to.

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I'm your host Carmelita to join me each week as I cover a variety of topics,

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all designed to support mindful.

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And growth-oriented moms of girls, especially girls in their

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crucial tween and teen years.

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My guest today is Julie DeLuca Collins, the founder and CEO of go confidently

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services and the host of the popular.

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Casa de confidence podcast and a weekly radio show confident you featured

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on a global talk radio network.

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She's also the number one bestselling author of the book, confident you simple

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habits to live the life you've imagined.

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And

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Julia is a certified coach in cognitive behavioral techniques,

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holistic coaching and tiny habits.

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She's also certified as a social emotional learning facilitator and has completed

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her 200 hour yoga teacher certification.

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As a business and life strategist coach Julie helps women business owners launch

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or grow their businesses, get clients be productive and achieve their dreams.

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I invited Julie to chat and shed some light on the power of tiny habits.

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Here's our conversation.

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Julie, I am so excited to connect with you.

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Um, your wisdom and your light is just infectious, and I can't wait

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to share that with the listeners.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

Carmelita Kat, thank you so much for having me.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

It is a pleasure to hang out with you because I know that surrounding yourself

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

with the people that you admire is an honor, and I, I'm excited to be

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

a guest on your show that I admire

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Thank you.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Well, um, in your bio, confidence is such a linchpin that your work revolves around.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

I'd love to hear a little, a little bit about your personal journey and

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

where we can take that from there, when it comes to raising our daughter,

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

Yeah.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

You know, when I, I was growing up, I was born in El Salvador.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

My mom is from El Salvador.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

My dad was from New York and he happened to meet my mom and they settled there.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

I was the first granddaughter and I, I was born to a woman who was, um,

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

very privileged to have been educated in the states, traveled abroad.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

And my dad grew up in a very, humble home in in the projects of New York,

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

but he grew up with a strong woman as well, and that really set the stage.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

And my mom's mother also was someone who was ahead of her time.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

My grandmother, my maternal grandmother was someone who was expected to

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

because she grew up in an affluent home, get married, raise children.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

But no, she wanted a career.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

She wanted to be an educator and she kept going through and getting education and

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

my great-grandfather, wanted her to settle down and she said, no, I wanna work.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

And finally he gave in and decided to build a school for.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: Oh, that's amazing.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

Wow.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

it's like, okay, you have a school you can teach here.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

And my grandmother began teaching and subsequently took over the school

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

when my great-grandfather passed, and I was born in this environment

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

in which women were very strong.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Hmm

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

that's what I saw at an early age.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

At about five years old, my grandmother had her leg amputated because she

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

had a rare form of cancer, and most people thought that someone

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

at 70 something was done right.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

And this illustrious career was pretty much behind her.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

But instead, my grandmother made it her mission that she was going

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

to come back and come back greater.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

And I watched her.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

Um, continue to rehabilitate herself, teach herself to walk with

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

a prosthesis that weighed a hundred pounds, and continue to give and

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

volunteer and have a successful career.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

and I was told that I was a leader from an early age.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

Someone that was told that service was important, that

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

needed to be part of my life.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

And most importantly, I learned my voice.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

I learned to speak.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

I was never afraid to speak to, to adults and have a conversation, and I read a lot.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

So all of that contributed to who I am today.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

Ultimately, you know, confidence was something that I never knew not having

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

it, but there were moments in which, especially in middle, When I started

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

to be teased and you, you start to kind of, you know, this is who you

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

are and your family tell you you are, and then you hit middle school and

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

your classmates like, who are you?

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

You, and, and all your confidence is kind of knocked out.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Yes.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

there's that dissonance between what your family, your parents tell you.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Like I tell them they're beautiful and strong and whatnot, and then they go

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

off into the world and then have these experiences that kind of knock 'em down.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

So, yeah, totally

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

sure.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

You know, in my, in, in my book, I actually talk about this.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

There's an experience that I had in the locker room and changing

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

for gym and how I came in full of confidence and sure enough, surely

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

thereafter, um I was knocked down.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

And I remember at that time my parents had divorced at, and we're

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

living in Miami at this point.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

Um, but my dad shared a quote with me that's become my mantra through

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

my life, and that's what my business is called, is Go Confidently Services

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

because of the Henry David Thoreau quote,

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Mm

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

And it became the mantra when I didn't feel confident, when I felt

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

like I didn't have it all together, I kept saying, just go forward.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

Just do it.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

Just it's okay.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

And we don't always feel confident.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

And this is something that I wish, um, you know, when I look back at that 11

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

year old girl, she just kept going, right.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

And I, and I wanna tell her that it turns out okay.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

And then you don't have it all together.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

But that's part of the process of learning and becoming stronger.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

Someone has to be a beginner at everything in order to get

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

to be who you want to become.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Hmm mm-hmm.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

. Yeah, that's a, a great insight that sometimes I, forget, but that you have

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

to anticipate and normalize and accept that things are gonna feel awkward or

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

unknown or uncertain, just by virtue of the fact that you're trying new things.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

Yeah, for sure.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

And I think this is where in my career, right?

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

I started to look around me as I got higher and higher

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

in that corporate ladder.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

And I thought, where are my sisters?

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

Where are the girlfriends?

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

Where are the ladies?

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

You know, we, we can deep dive into this so much.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

But ultimately like Cheryl Sandberg says, right, like, lean in, it's okay, and

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

maybe you don't feel like you belong, but the more that you lean in, the more

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

that you create a space for yourself.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

And that's something that I want women, young women and girls to

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

really know and pay attention to.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Mm mm, on that point, you know

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

what women and girls can do.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

I know that you have some thoughts on how habits can really contribute into

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

building up this sense of confidence.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

I'd love to hear you say more about that.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

Well, you know, habits for me have been that

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

frenemy because we love it, but also they're hard and for many years, I just

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

kept thinking, what's wrong with me?

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

I really wanna create these great habits, but my motivation is not there.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

What can I do to motivate myself more?

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

And then I kept learning about habits and wanting to adopt them,

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

and I was successful at them.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

There was a piece missing, and then eventually I found that.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

Well, one, your brain does wanna have habits, and if you don't create good ones,

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

your brain is gonna create not so good ones because your brain I is, is going to

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

want to change the uncertainty of things and wants to automate the processes.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

Number two, motivation is something that you can start, it's a feeling, but when

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

something gets hard, motivation goes away.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Oh, so

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

And this is why we cannot rely on

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

motivation to create habits.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Mm.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

early in 2020.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

As I launched my career, my second career, my business as, as I was laid

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

off at the beginning of the pandemic.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

I started to really explore this concept of simple habits and I had created some

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

great ones that have served me, but also was struggling to create others.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

And what I found is that when you have consistent action and you learn the thing,

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

you hone in your skills, then you're doing it, and you automate it and becomes

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

a habit, then your confidence grows.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Mm mm

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

And that's when I, I read a book that was life

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

changing and I've read a lot of books and I love reading, but Tiny

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

Habits, it's a book written by Dr.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

BJ Fogg, who is A behavior researcher out of Stanford University, and

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

he has made in his life work to be researching behavior change and how

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

people change and what creates change.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

And in the book, one of the things that he talks about is how motivation

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

cannot be relied upon, number one.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

Number two, the ABCs of habits are having that anchor moment, doing the

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

behavior, and then creating the one action that allows your brain to.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

Make that habit stick.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

Your brain changes when you feel good.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

So when we beat ourselves up because we didn't do the thing right, then your

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

brain is like, I don't wanna do that.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

Because , if I'm not good at it, then I don't wanna do it.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

I'm gonna beat myself up.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

I'm not gonna feel bad.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

But if you do it and do it in a minimal manner, and you celebrate that you did

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

it, even if it's a tiny step, your brain is like, oh, I like feeling that, and it

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

begins to say, I better do that again.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Hmm.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

And that's when you begin to create these habits.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

So the premise or the method for tiny habits is finding the anchor

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

moments or the prompts that will remind you to do the behavior, create

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

a behavior that is small enough, and then celebrate that you did it.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

And if you go above and beyond that tiny behavior, then great.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

And you start to grow your habits.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

But really starting tiny is key.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

And when I started to create tiny habits for myself, and I noticed that

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

even those habits that I had already established, they were born out outta

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

doing something in a very minimal way.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

Feeling good about having it done.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

And then continuing to start again if for some reason, oh, I didn't do it.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

Okay, let me try again.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

But always celebrating that, oh, I remember that.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

I didn't do it.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

Good for you, Julie.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

You remembered.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

Let's try again

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Yeah.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

And then that creates the ability for your brain to

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

be a able to automate some of that.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

So tiny habits.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

I am then pursued a certification as a coach, as a tiny habits coach.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

very cool.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

and really has been so instrumental in my life

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

and in the life of the women that I work with because when you create

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

those habits and you feel proud, then immediately you gain more confidence

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

and when you are more confident, you're gonna go and do the thing.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

And the more that you're successful at it, then guess what?

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

Your motivation starts to show up as

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Right.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

It's all linked together.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Yes.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Oh my gosh.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

That makes complete sense.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

When you talked about celebrating that, oftentimes I'm just reflecting

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

on my kind of my own day-to-day, but I feel like that part can go missing.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

Yes.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Reminding and encouraging our daughters to do

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

that feels really important because like you said, if there's no sort

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

of positive outcome or positive reflection moment, then that, feeling

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

of success , is less likely to be there.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

absolutely.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

I never really thought about the

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

importance of celebrating and kind of patting yourself on the back,

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

Yeah.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

And it doesn't have to be a big celebration.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

And, and I think that this is where people also, I, well, I know when we coach

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

Tiny Habits, um, and we, we have a five day, it's a free, uh, five day coaching.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

The, the Tiny Habits Academy does.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

It goes on every week.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

And, um, I jump in there and I coach every once in a while.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

I will tell you that 90% of the people is like, I didn't

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

celebrate, I don't feel good.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

I don't know how to celebrate.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

And we really struggle.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

And I think that if this is normal for 90% of the population, I think it's much more

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

so for us women who we are so used to not giving ourselves credit for what we do.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

Um, I was speaking to my, my niece who was nine the other day, and I, we speak

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

a lot and she was practicing the violin.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

And she's like, oh, I'm just so terrible at it.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

I said, I know, but you should.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

You know what you should do when you're going to practice the violin?

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

You should, when you come finish your homework, that's her prompt.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

Open your violin case.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

And then say, good job.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

I opened my violin case to practice and that's all she has to do.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

And guess what?

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

That's her tiny habit.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

But then she, once she celebrates, we'll do, it's an

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

open, I might as well practice.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

Right?

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

That's where she goes.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

And what that creates is like, oh, I feel good.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

And that little hit of dopamine feeling.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

Um, then helps her keep going.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

And the celebration is mainly giving yourselves a little thumbs

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

up or just saying, oh, smile, I did that, or, Hmm, I remembered.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

And, and those little things can create big momentum.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

Dr.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

Fog says, tiny is mighty, and it's so true.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Mm I'm, I'm still kind of processing.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

I think that thought of celebration and what that can look like, I'm

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

thinking through some of the, the routines that, I'm trying to

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

build into my daughter's lives.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Like they both take their lunches to school and then when they

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

get home, they're supposed to empty it out, wash out, you know,

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

the, the plastic containers and

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

whatnot.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Mm-hmm.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

, uh, and sadly, I know that I often point out when they bring the lunchbox to the

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

kitchen, but they don't empty it out and.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell: let's, let's create the recipe

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

so that, because this is what we do, we create recipes, right?

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

So first you have to have that ability.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

And the ability to make the habit happen means that you have to have

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

the right space, the right time.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

So when you're coming home from school, what happens, right?

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Do you come in the door?

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Because that's already automated, right?

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

You've been doing that.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Um, so think of what is the prom?

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

So for instance, when we walk into the house and we put our, our

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

backpack down, then we take out the container and we celebrate.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Uhhuh.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell: the tiny behavior, right?

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

So pay attention to what happens when you're coming in.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Where do they drop their backpack or do they go into their rooms directly?

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

So as soon as I put my backpack down, I will take out the container.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

So the recipe typically is when I blank, I will blank and then celebrate.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

That's the framework of the recipe.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

When I blank, I will blank and then celebrate.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

that's actually super powerful

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

So I'll give you one of my ma basic automations.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

I try to drink a gallon of water.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

I don't always hit it, but the water bottle has to be filled.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

So in the morning I already have an automation.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

I have to let my dogs out in the morning.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

The door to the backyard is next to the sink.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

So when I let the dogs out, I fill my water bottle,

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

that's all, and, and then I'm like, Woohoo.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

We filled my water bottle.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

I'm there.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

Right?

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

And of course, if it's already full, I typically start to drink a

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

glass of water right then and there.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

And once I drink my glass of water, then of course, you know, we get

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

into the other other habits, right?

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

Where I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

So after I go to the bathroom, I drink a full glass of water and celebrate.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

So, so throughout the day, that one action kind of is the domino

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

effect to the rest of the actions.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

. And you know, and I think that you can make it into, a fun competition into like,

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

okay, who, who was able to, you know, who came up with the most interesting

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

celebration and who went ahead and right.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

And who did.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

After I bring it into the kitchen, I will empty out the container.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

Something like that.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

That's, oh my gosh, I'm so excited to try

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and sort of, you know, incorporate this into our routines now

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

and Carmen, you know, the, tiny Habits Academy.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

Again, it's, we don't try to sell anything or do anything other

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than teach people tiny habits.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

It's a free five day and it takes less than five minutes a day to participate.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

So if you go to tiny habits.com, you can participate in in the process and it's

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

great because then you get a coach that.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

Coaches you through the week and says, Hey, by the way, did you try this?

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

And they can actually look at your recipes because as you're creating you, we ask

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

you to create three recipes and then you get a two minute teaching from Dr.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

Fogg, and then you just email back and share whether or

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

not you did your tiny habit.

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So fun.

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I will include that link in the show notes.

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Even the idea of a recipe feels super empowering.

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Like, what's my recipe gonna be?

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What habits do I already have that I can build upon using this recipe?

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

Yeah.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

There's so many things that can be done and, and I have to tell you, you know,

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

one, one thing that I say all the time, I is consistent action gets you traction.

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

it's just that showing up, you know, yes, we're gonna be

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

imperfect, but show up again,

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

and that's consistent action is gonna move you forward, is that compounding

Julie DeLucca-Caldwell:

effect that we really are looking for.

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I loved that closing reminder about consistency.

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It's been several weeks since I recorded that interview with Julie.

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And I'll say that.

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I've been more conscious about celebrating my wins.

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Instead of jumping right into the next thing.

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I actually do smile.

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I try to make myself smile, even if no one's around.

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I'll take a few deep breaths to savor the moment.

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And I think it's working.

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I do seem to feel less angsty when tackling things that I need to do,

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but don't want to like flossing.

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Don't tell my dentist.

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Um, and with my daughters, I think there's been an overlap of celebration

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and kind of positive reinforcement.

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And.

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And this does seem to help with them wanting to show up and do.

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The thing again, for example, My older daughter is way better

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at feeding the cat lately.

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And I think it's because we've identified a prompt, which.

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Is.

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Finishing dinner, putting the dishes away.

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And I've expressed appreciation and given her positive reinforcement when she does

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it, which is kind of like celebrating.

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So now she's actually way more inclined to just do it.

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No nagging.

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So that's my very anecdotal and unscientific report out.

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Um, but hopefully some inspiration to try the celebration and recipes

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that Julie's talking about.

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So to recap, here are my key takeaways from this conversation with Julie.

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And remember these can be shared with modeled um you know discussed with

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your daughters as well Number one.

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To learn and become stronger.

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You are going to feel awkward and uncertain.

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You're going to make mistakes and.

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I'd be a beginner and this is all part of it.

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Anticipate and normalize these feelings.

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So when you feel them, you can remind yourself that this is

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exactly where you're supposed to be.

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Just keep going.

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Number two.

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Julie advises like Sheryl Sandberg says don't be afraid to lean in.

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Maybe you don't feel like you belong, but the more you lean in, the more

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that you create a space for yourself.

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Number three, your brain wants to have habits.

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And if you don't create good ones, your brain is going to create not so good ones.

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And motivation is a feeling you can't rely on it to create habits.

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Instead, we have to turn to consistent action.

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Number four, starting with the tiny habit is key because you're more

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likely to accomplish it, celebrate it and feel good about having it done.

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Number five.

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Be sure to remember to celebrate.

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That little hit of dopamine will help rewire your brain.

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Because it likes feeling good.

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And it'll start wanting to do that thing more often.

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Number six, the premise of tiny habits is finding an anchor moment, which acts as a

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prompt for you to do the desired behavior.

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Then celebrate that you did it.

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Create a recipe.

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When I blank.

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I will blank.

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Then I'll celebrate.

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Number seven.

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Consistent action gets you traction.

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We aren't going to be perfect, but just keep showing up those consistent

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tiny steps can add up to big things.

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Thanks so much for listening.

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It takes action to claim something.

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And by tuning in, you're showing up for yourself and your daughter.

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And embodying curiosity and a growth mindset.

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Celebrate that.

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If you haven't done so already follow on your favorite podcasting platform,

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tell a friend and leave a review.

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Also visit no B raise them.com and drop me a line or a voice memo.

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If you have questions, comments, or topic ideas.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Again, I am grateful for your time and here's to strong women may we know them

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About the Podcast

Know Them, Be Them, Raise Them
Helping moms be & raise strong women
Are you a growth-oriented, mindful and busy mom who wants to raise strong daughters? Me too!

Tune in for short episodes (under 25 min) filled with inspiration, insights and actionable tips from experts, moms who’ve been there, and host Carmelita Tiu (a mom of two girls herself).

Hear about timely (& sometimes tough) topics: boundaries, self-care, creating safe spaces, self confidence, intuition, negative patterns, body positivity, friendship, body image, gender stereotypes, stress, and more.

Follow @knowberaisethem on Instagram for more info.

And here’s to strong women -- may we know them, may we be them, and may we raise them.

About your host

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Carmelita Tiu

Service, creativity, and human potential -- these things inspire Carmelita Tiu as a mindset coach and life strategist for mindful moms, and as an attorney, podcaster, creative, educator and parent. After receiving her art degree and law degree, she worked as an attorney at The Oprah Winfrey Show and OWN: The Oprah Winfrey Network for several years, then pivoted to the design and advertising world. She's also held adjunct professorships at DePaul University and Columbia College Chicago, and served on the boards of numerous cultural and community service organizations.

As a curious and committed mom to two daughters, Carmelita recently launched the podcast, "Know Them, Be Them, Raise Them," a show that informs and inspires mindful and growth-oriented moms of girls -- so they can show up for themselves and their daughters the way they want to. "Know Them, Be Them, Raise Them" is on all the major podcast platforms, or head to knowberaisethem.com.