Episode 56

full
Published on:

20th Jun 2023

Puberty Power! Empowering Girls to Navigate Change with Confidence // with Konika Ray Wong

Remember getting your first period? Did you feel self conscious, confused, out-of-sorts…just like a lot of body changes around that time?

It’s time to flip puberty positive!  In this episode, Konika Ray Wong chats with host Carmelita (Cat) Tiu about puberty, all the awkwardness that comes with it, and how to help our daughters change the scripts around puberty and feel empowered as they navigate the transformation that happens throughout their tweens and teens, even into their 20’s.

Listen to hear:

  • Swaps to flip puberty positive
  • The importance of separating puberty from sexual maturity
  • How puberty is a privilege
  • Why normalizing change is important
  • And more!

Guest bio:

Konika Ray Wong is a science teacher and mom on a mission to flip puberty positive. She founded GPS with her daughter during the pandemic when it was obvious the world needed more girl power and science education! 

For over two decades, Konika has been a kindergarten through sixth grade science educator. She has a Masters in Education and California teaching credential from the University of San Francisco and a Bachelor of Science in Biology from Virginia Polytechnic University. A Common Sense Media certified educator who also attended the Institute for Social and Emotional Learning, she is passionate about body literacy, destigmatizing puberty, and building communities of empowered learners that confidently celebrate growth.

She recently published her first children’s book, "One in a Million - A First Book About Periods". Imagine a world where every little girl felt strong and confident in her body and every child with a uterus celebrated their superpowers. This empowering book, a guided story for kids ages four and up to read with a grownup, is the first step in that direction. In "One in a Million," children meet a cute uterus character that takes them on a journey that demystifies the process of ovulation and the menstrual cycle. The kid-friendly characters and simple scientifically accurate text set a positive tone about periods without shame or stigma.

Connect with Konika:


About Your Host, Carmelita / Cat / Millie Tiu

Mom, spouse, coach, podcaster, wordsmith, legal eagle.  Endlessly curious about how we can show up better for ourselves – because when we do that, we also show up better for our kids and those around us.  Visit carmelitatiu.com to learn more about Cat, and for info on 1:1 coaching, the mom collective, and her monthly newsletter.


Know Them, Be Them, Raise Them

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For more doses of information and inspiration:

  • follow the podcast on Instagram @knowberaisethem
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  • visit knowberaisethem.com
  • Check out the Rise & Raise Collective - a community for busy and growth-oriented moms committed to showing up for themselves and their daughters with intention and grace.  Email hello@carmelitatiu.com for more info!
  • Curious about coaching? I work with impact-driven, high-achieving women/moms – I help them be “healthy selfish” and optimize their lives, whether that’s feeling less “meh” and “Is this all there is?” or making bold moves in the wake of big life events. Visit carmelitatiu.com to set up a complimentary consult/clarity chat.


Transcript
Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

I think if everyone sits with an attitude

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

of gratitude that our bodies are healthy, that puberty is a privilege.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Aging, maturing, our bodies growing.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

It's a privilege, and that if our bodies are doing what they are meant

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

to be doing, then we're grateful

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Hi, everyone.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

And welcome to know them.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Be them, raise them a show to help busy, mindful growth oriented moms stay

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

informed and inspired as they navigate their daughters, tween and teen years.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

I'm your host Carmelita to join me on the regular four episodes

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

about everything under the sun that might matter to moms like us.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

In today's episode.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

I chat with Konika Ray Wong.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

She is a science teacher and a mom on a mission to flip puberty positive.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

How amazing is that?

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

She founded girl power science with her daughter during the pandemic,

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

when it was obvious, the world needed more girl power and science education.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

For over two decades Konika has been a kindergarten through sixth grade educator.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

She has a master's in education and California teaching credential from

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

the university of San Francisco and bachelor of science in biology from

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Virginia Polytechnic university.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

She's also a common sense media certified educator, which if you're like me,

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

you check out common sense pretty often when you're trying to tell if

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

a book or a movie is appropriate.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

And She's passionate about body literacy, de-stigmatizing puberty and building

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

communities of empowered learners that confidently celebrate growth.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

She recently published her first children's book "One in a Million,

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

a First Book About Periods."

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

This empowering book, which is a guided story for kids ages four and up to read

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

with a grown-up is a first step towards helping every little girl feel strong

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

and confident in her body and every child with a uterus celebrate their superpowers.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

In "One in a Million" children meet a cute uterus character that takes them on

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

a journey that demystifies the process of ovulation and the menstrual cycle.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

The kid friendly characters and simple, scientifically accurate

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

text set a positive tone about periods without shame or stigma.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Here is our amazing conversation.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

It's quick.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

It's fun.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

And I hope you feel as inspired as I did after listening to it.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Welcome Konika.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

I am so excited to have you here today.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

I think the work that you're doing is super important as a mom of two girls

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

and, you know, knowing their friends, knowing the spaces that they navigate.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Uh, this topic is just so timeless and I'm, I'm glad that you're here

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

today to share a little bit with us.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Konika Ray Wong, GPS: Thanks for having me.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

My pleasure.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

So, why don't we kick things off with you telling us

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

a little bit about yourself and what led you to write your recent book.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Yes, so I'm a science teacher and a mom.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

I've been teaching science to elementary kids, kindergarten

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

through fourth grade for two decades.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

So really long time.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

And, I am really passionate about flipping puberty positive because

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

my experience was just so negative.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

And then, you know, when I began teaching my own students, um, I passionately

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

wanted it to be different for them.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

And the more I dived in, it was very healing for me as well.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Supporting kids and parents around, you know, flipping this

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

narrative positive, has really just.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Raise my confidence along in the journey.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Mm.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Something that came up as you were sharing, this was a very recent

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

conversation I had with a colleague who kind of shared with me almost in

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

an embarrassed way that her daughter Just got her period and how she didn't

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

know what to tell her because she didn't grow up being taught that , she

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

wasn't exposed to sort of a healthy way to navigate this situation.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

So we commiserated and collaborated and I gave her some hopefully helpful tips.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

But yes, I think this idea of reframing the puberty narrative, as you say

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

is key, and needs such a shift.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

And as an Asian American, um, the narrative in my head

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

was I just thought it was an Asian thing.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

And now that I'm really working internationally with different

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

parents, I realize it's universal.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

So yeah, that has been healing.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

I.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Now, what would you, what would you advise

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

people like as a starting point?

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

How can parents do that?

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

How can we reframe this narrative?

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Yeah, so I think probably the first place to start,

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

uh, so many parents approach me and say they feel ill-equipped because

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

they had no education around puberty.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Their families didn't talk about it, so in a dream world, I would

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

actually love to replace the word puberty, uh, with something different.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Just, you know, language matters and just the word is triggering not only for, you

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

know, the grownups in the room, but the kids, you know, uh, I just say that word

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

and, uh, and there's giggles, there's, you know, flushed faces, embarrassment, shame.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

So I would love to replace it with celebrate growth.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

You know, parents say they signed up for this, their child

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

for this puberty workshop.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

What should they tell them?

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

And just let's first begin by, by replacing it by celebrating growth.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

The second thing is, let's separate it from sexual maturity.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

puberty is starting, modern puberty is starting as early as age seven.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Mm-hmm.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

And you know, when we use that old school

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

language that she's becoming a woman,

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

not relevant at age seven, and it can be depressing for both parents

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

to think that their seven year old is becoming quote unquote a

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

woman, and for that child as well.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

You know, they're enjoying their childhood.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

And, there are some kids that have gotten really emotional about having to come

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

to one of my puberty workshops and in a beautiful way the parents have broken down

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

and asked them, you know, what is going on and they're not ready to grow up yet.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

It's as simple as that.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Like we've placed this whole , um, narrative around what they

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

might be feeling that's more complex, but it's really as

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

simple as they're still children.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

So I think starting from that place that, this isn't, um, sexual maturity per se.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

I know the scientific definition, but a lot of things need to change,

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

you know, and those definitions have been around for ages.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Um, so I just see it as celebrating growth.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

And then the second piece is, Coming from a place of having an attitude of

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

gratitude that our bodies are healthy,

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Hmm.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

working, you know, in this post pandemic era.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

I think if everyone sits with that or starts with that,

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

that puberty is a privilege.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Aging, maturing, our bodies growing.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

It's a p a privilege, and that if our bodies are doing what they

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

are meant to be doing, then we're grateful that we are healthy.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Yeah.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Oh my gosh.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

There are so many reframes and, uh, perspective shifts in what you

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

just shared that resonated with me.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

I think first, sort of coming up with a different definition for puberty or having

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

this, vocabulary swap, if you will, to celebrating growth does feel so important.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

It reminds me a little bit of how.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

I mean, it's sort of related to how many body positivity.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Um, experts and coaches and therapists are trying to help people understand

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

that the word fat shouldn't be loaded with this negative connotation.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

It's just this non.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Good.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Not bad.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Just a thing.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

And similarly, you're right, I think puberty has really taken on this

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

negative connotation that makes people feel squeamish and uncomfortable and

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

giggly and awkward, like you said.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

So really planting these seeds in our kids that it's nothing to be afraid of.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

It's nothing to, um, tease someone else about or feels shame around.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

It's really just celebrating growth that feels like a huge.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Huge perspective shift that I love.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

And it's easy, like when your kids say the word puberty and you can sense that

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

there's discomfort around it, helping to sort of say, yeah, I noticed this.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Um, curious where this came from.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

And it's actually a celebration of growth- that feels super

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

powerful and, uh, actionable.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

So I had to get that out there.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Love that.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Yes, it's, I mean, I think that that parallel to fat, you

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

know, it's about that neutrality and it's about being really scientific.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

So, instead of this laundry list where we've put a negative spin on,

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

you know, whether it's pimples or mood swings, um, we can very neutrally

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

describe each of the changes in a way that this is what healthy bodies do.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

And I have positive spins for every single one of the changes.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

And I like to start, instead of the old traditional paradigm of mood swings,

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

well it is actually mood swings, but it's a spin on it, which is just the

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

brain remodel, the growth mindset.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Um, and you know, just this idea that, you know, our brains,

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Are shifting in powerful ways.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Another replacement word is just a transformation.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

You're in an exci.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

You know, I tell them that they are in their bodies are in a very

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

exciting stage of transformation.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

I also like to normalize it as just one more stage of growth instead of like

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

magnifying this one area, you know, the brain remodel can start as early

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

as age seven and, and it ends at 25.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

So so I tell them, you know, they've lost teeth and the way

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

their body looked and functioned, has changed, but we celebrated it.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Some have the tooth fairy, other people have different traditions, and, and

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

similarly, if we can just make this a smooth path and not all of a sudden

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

emphasize this as this different thing.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Yeah.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Yeah.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

And I also love what you touched on with this connotation that,

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

menstruation means you're a woman.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Um, as if, I don't know, the, the implication is that somehow this

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

individual is now ready to be in this space of maturity and, there's a odd

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

unspoken link to being able to get pregnant and childbearing with womanhood.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

And so, I just kind of love distancing and not using that phraseology,

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

uh, because I've always thought that doesn't sit quite right.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Yes.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

And so many of the cycle tracking apps go right into fertility.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Um, you know, to your point, and that's why I wrote the

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

book in the way that I did.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Just in teaching my students, I.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

The narrative that I wanted.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

So actually, another I guess piece of advice in terms of

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

reframing is it's not one big talk.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

These are all small planting seeds all along the way.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

And, it's been really fun to get feedback about the book and so

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

many people say the simplicity really resonates, how short it is.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

You know, my teaching style as a science teacher and as a parent, you know, I have

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

a daughter that's 12 years old, is to plant those little seeds and then allow

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

their curiosity to guide where we go next.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

You know, kids are gonna, and humans in general, tune us

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

out at, at a certain point.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

We all know you get like maybe about three minutes, you know, and, and so just that

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

idea to keep it simple, keep it short.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

And then, we don't know in terms of in the brain remodel, um, where

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

they are until we allow their questions to come to the forefront.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

And they're also so, so much more interested when it's their

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

questions getting answered.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

So it's not one big talk.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

And ideally, these are teachable moments when, you know, when a child

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

sees a tampon in your purse and maybe they're two or three years old, the

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

tone of our voice, you know, and it can make such a big difference.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Yeah.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Yeah.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

I think it's important, to remind moms of that, the ways that we, in those small

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

moments throughout their lives, talk about our periods or don't talk about them,

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

like the, the lack of conversation at all.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

That in itself says something about this topic, and I, that was kind of a aha

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

moment for me when my girls were littler.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

I was very used to hiding the tampons and you know, not mentioning when

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

I was having hormonal fluctuations.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

And then I realized I.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

What is this sending them?

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

It's telling them that this is taboo.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Is it telling them that I'm uncomfortable talking about it and

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

they're learning that they should be uncomfortable talking about it?

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

So yeah, we, we've had a lot of discussions, and even though I've

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

had many discussions, I am excited to introduce them to the reframes

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

that you present in your book and your workshops, cuz it's they sound

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

com super compelling and helpful.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Yeah, I recently had a parent say that, her daughter came home

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

after our workshop and she was so excited.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Um, there was a family gathering and they asked, what was your workshop about?

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

She said, periods in a very neutral, excited, almost tone,

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

and there was silence in the room.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

And the mom said she too didn't know what to do with that silence, so she

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

changed the subject to the weather and you know, we normalized the topic

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

in our workshop and within this drive home and, and entering her home space,

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

she's getting a whole different message.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

And that's confusing for kids to navigate that, you know, here we are

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

comfortable about celebrating growth and our bodies being healthy and this one

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

space, and now this word was powerful enough to silence a room and have her

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

mom change the subject to the weather.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Gosh, I could completely see myself or some,

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

you know, friends of mine in that kind of situation where you're these, these

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

generational contexts and differences and not knowing how to talk about it.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

It's great that your daughters have, a newfound excitement, but being prepared

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

to as an adult, kind of back them up on that, um, makes, is important as well.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Yes, yes.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: Another thing you mentioned which

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

I hadn't thought about, but the idea that puberty is a privilege.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

It's, um, I think so often , I'll have these glimpses into the world that my

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

daughters navigate and how it just, it's just our normal, but as compared

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

to a broader scale of the world and, you know, global challenges, uh, I, I

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

feel so grateful and blessed that we are somewhere where nutritious food is

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

accessible, where they're able to move freely, where, um, they have options

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

in terms of what they can do with their bodies and how they can get out there.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

And so all of.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

All of that put in this phrase of puberty is a privilege that, that's so impactful.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Yes.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

And you know, I think what may be the parallel to that is that so many

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

of the parents I'm working with are going through perimenopause, and

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

that's another mysterious area where we, there's very minimal research

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

on women's health in this area.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

You know, I'm friends with, many doctors that say that their training

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

didn't really include, um, That topic similarly, aging is a privilege.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

We can even broaden it from puberty being a privilege to aging.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Uh, you know, the fact that we've gotten this far and we're healthy,

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

you know, is really a luxury.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

yeah.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

And the idea of normalizing transformation.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

The idea that they are going through a transformation in

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

this seven to 25 age range.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Um, hopefully also plants seeds that our bodies will always change and evolve.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

And this is just part of it.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Like, I like to think that my daughters, they remember when they were three and

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

four, they look at their baby pictures and all that stuff, and so they can see

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

that evolution and not expect it to stop when they become an quote unquote adult.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Um, I think that's another.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Like in celebrating bodily transformation in a general sense.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

I like to think that that's also encouraging them to be open to the

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

ways that our bodies change as we age, as we, maybe in our forties

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

we look or feel different than we did in our twenties, and helping

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

to feel, make that feel normal too.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Yes.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

And even before puberty, like I said, with the teeth falling out,

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

like it's a whole cycle, right?

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

It's a cycle that continues.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Um, and, uh, yeah, I, I mean, I think that that's a, a really good point.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Um,

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Even kind of encouraging this idea of reframes

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

around a phrase or a time of life that has been seen in a negative light.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Allowing them that will make it easier for them to approach perimenopause,

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

which I think I am myself, dealing with, uh, in mysterious ways.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

But yeah, it, it makes them feel more open to those changes and not see

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

menopause as this negative thing, which it also has a connotation of.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Yep.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

And it also, it smoothly transitions into positive body image and body literacy.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Um, so, you know, it's just this reframe is pretty powerful in

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

terms of, uh, a lot of levels.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

I love it.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

All right, so I would love for you to kind of give us a few takeaways

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

that if the listeners are going to remember anything from this discussion,

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

what would you like them to remember?

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Well, I love that we really, I did a deep

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

dive on puberty as a privilege.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

I think, that attitude of gratitude, that our bodies are healthy.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Um, and then if we start this discussion about this transformation with the growth

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

mindset and the brain remodel, then remembering that we can, we can do hard

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

things and that practice makes progress when we think about, just in terms

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

of, you know, our neurological growth.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

The more we practice.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

And we have been, like you said, I mean from our bodies have been

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

changing from before we were even born and they will continue to change

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

throughout our entire lifetime.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

And change can be stressful, but the more that we know knowledge is powerful.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Um, so the more we can get that scientific knowledge to understand

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

that our bodies are healthy when they're going through all of these

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

changes, I think is really powerful.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Mm.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

And do you have, a favorite quote or affirmation you'd like to leave

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

with the listeners on this topic?

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

I mean, I think so.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

So listening to your body, I guess, you know, body literacy is all about, like,

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

our bodies are like a compass and we just need to learn how to read them, right?

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

And so whether we're talking about hunger cues, Or even technology consumption.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

How is, how are things making us feel?

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

So listen to your body.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

It's something I say to my daughter, it's something I say to my students.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

It's just this moment of like checking in, of, you know,

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: That Yes, that is so important.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

For whatever reason, maybe it was told to me, but I didn't

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

listen or it didn't sink in.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

But I feel like I was a little late in life to, to tune into

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

some of those bodily cues.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

You know, I would push, push, push, kind of override the tiredness, override

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

the stress, you know, manifestations to get things done or be hyper-productive

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

or kind of keep going, going.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

But I, I love that idea of embracing it and encouraging our daughters to

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

embrace it at a young age, cuz that hopefully will allow them to navigate

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

situations and not get burnt out, not get overwhelmed, eat healthy, be active

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

and, yeah, just generally speaking, prep them for a higher baseline of,

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

contentment, health, all of those

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

And it's all healing for us.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

And it's a great excuse actually for self-care because we are the

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

role models and they're watching us.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

And as we are becoming workaholics, you know, I see my daughter you

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

know, mirroring what I, how I am.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

So it's just great reminder that they're watching everything we're doing.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

They're listening to everything we say, and that as we take care

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

of ourselves, that we're teaching them to listen to their bodies

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

and take care of themselves too.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Uh, this chat with Konika kind of made me wish I was 10 and

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

didn't have my period yet.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

So I could read this book and feel differently from the get-go.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Here are my key takeaways.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Number one.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Put a positive spin on things.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

If the word puberty makes your kid feel uncomfortable, swap in

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

celebrating growth or transformation.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Another example is mood swings.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Instead of seeing it as a bad thing.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Remind them that it's a sign of a brain remodel.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Number two.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Let's separate puberty from sexual maturity.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Puberty can start as early as seven and phrases like she's

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

becoming a woman or you're a woman now when she gets her period.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Can make it more emotionally challenging for both kids and parents

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

where there's likely a disconnect between those phrases and how those

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

kids and parents actually feel.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Number three.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Puberty is a privilege.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Foster an attitude of gratitude that our bodies are healthy.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Change can be stressful, but we can do hard things.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Number four.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Normalize that our bodies are constantly changing throughout our lives.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

When our bodies change, this means our bodies are healthy and doing

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

what they're supposed to be doing.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Whether we're talking about growing from a baby to a kid, to puberty or to menopause.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

And number five, our bodies are like a compass and we just

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

need to learn how to read them.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

So whether we're talking about hunger cues or technology consumption,

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

or even how we feel in a certain situation or around people.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Listen to your body.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Notice how things make you feel and encourage your daughter

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

to trust those instincts.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

To learn more about Konika, her book and workshops visit Girl power science.com.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

You can follow her on Instagram at girl power science and of course

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

buy her book "One in a Million, a First Book About Periods" on Amazon.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

These links are in the show notes as well.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Two final things.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

One, if you like what you heard, please tell a friend, follow the podcast and

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

leave a review on apple or Spotify.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

It's like Yelp or Google for your favorite restaurants?

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Um, it may not feel like much, but it does make a difference.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

And thanks to all of those that have left reviews in the past.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

And secondly, remember to keep an eye out for more info about

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

the rise and raise collective.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Uh, community to support busy and mindful moms who want to raise

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

their daughters with intention.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

And who know that also means becoming their best selves too,

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

since values are caught, not taught.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

I'm working hard behind the scenes to put something together.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

So if you're interested on in getting on the wait list, uh, feel free

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

to DM me on Facebook or Instagram.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Or shoot me an email at hello at carmelitatiu.com.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

That's C a R M E L I T a t I U dot com.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

Thanks so much for listening.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

it really is a symbol of your commitment to personal growth, as well as showing up

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

the best way you can for your daughters when you listened to this podcast.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

So I am applauding you from the bottom of my heart.

Konika Ray Wong, GPS:

And here's to strong women may we know them may we be them and may we raise them.

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About the Podcast

Know Them, Be Them, Raise Them
Helping moms be & raise strong women
Are you a growth-oriented, mindful and busy mom who wants to raise strong daughters? Me too!

Tune in for short episodes (under 25 min) filled with inspiration, insights and actionable tips from experts, moms who’ve been there, and host Carmelita Tiu (a mom of two girls herself).

Hear about timely (& sometimes tough) topics: boundaries, self-care, creating safe spaces, self confidence, intuition, negative patterns, body positivity, friendship, body image, gender stereotypes, stress, and more.

Follow @knowberaisethem on Instagram for more info.

And here’s to strong women -- may we know them, may we be them, and may we raise them.

About your host

Profile picture for Carmelita Tiu

Carmelita Tiu

Service, creativity, and human potential -- these things inspire Carmelita Tiu as a mindset coach and life strategist for mindful moms, and as an attorney, podcaster, creative, educator and parent. After receiving her art degree and law degree, she worked as an attorney at The Oprah Winfrey Show and OWN: The Oprah Winfrey Network for several years, then pivoted to the design and advertising world. She's also held adjunct professorships at DePaul University and Columbia College Chicago, and served on the boards of numerous cultural and community service organizations.

As a curious and committed mom to two daughters, Carmelita recently launched the podcast, "Know Them, Be Them, Raise Them," a show that informs and inspires mindful and growth-oriented moms of girls -- so they can show up for themselves and their daughters the way they want to. "Know Them, Be Them, Raise Them" is on all the major podcast platforms, or head to knowberaisethem.com.