Episode 21

full
Published on:

25th Jan 2022

Girls and Eating Disorders...and Moms // with Ashley Carpentier

Ashley Carpentier shares her insights and advice for parents when it comes to eating disorders, body image, healthy relationships with food, self talk, and role modeling.

Ashley covers:

  • Myths about eating disorders
  • Signs of a possible eating disorder
  • Why to avoid the word "diet"
  • Healthier approaches to food
  • What parents can do to support their daughters

To learn more about Ashley Carpentier and her work:

  • Visit www.ashleycarpentier.com
  • Instagram: @ashleyranaecarpentier
  • FB: www. facebook.com/groups/learningtoloveyourselfcommunity
  • Ashley also recently published her Self-Care Journal! The Self-Care Journal simplifies taking care of yourself so you can incorporate the practices daily. The journal provides space to process your daily routines including: self-care activities and times, tracking emotions, food, and movement. Self-Care ideas are included. The simpler the self-care, the more we can take care of ourselves. Let's revolutionize self-care!  https://form.jotform.com/213004202308133

If an eating disorder is affecting you or someone you care about,  please seek out support and additional information.  There are organizations that are ready and willing to help.

The National Eating Disorders Association has many resources at nationaleatingdisorders.org.  Call or text the NEDA Helpline at 800-931-2237 for support, resources, and treatment options for yourself or a loved one. Helpline volunteers are trained to help you find the support and information you need.

Here's a list of other organizations that help individuals struggling with eating disorders, as well as provide support for families and caregivers.

Know Them, Be Them, Raise Them

Subscribe here: Apple, Spotify, Google. New episodes drop every Tuesday (and sometimes in between). 

If you liked the podcast, please leave a positive review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify -- I will send you good vibes til the end of days!

For more doses of information and inspiration: 

Transcript
Speaker:

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: Hello, all I'm Carmelita too.

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And welcome to Know them.

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Be them.

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@ @ Track 1: at

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

knowberaisethem

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

on Instagram.

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So not too long ago, one of my daughters vented in frustration that she looked fat.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Mind you, she is lean and fit.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

And that was the first I had heard her express something like this.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

So the comment seemed to come out of nowhere and I wondered about it.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Did she truly feel bad about her body?

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Did she really see herself as overweight?

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As I mulled over this, I also realized that while I've talked about and have

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interviewed guests about body image self-confidence and negative self-talk

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

I hadn't covered- the mental health conditions that involve an unhealthy

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

fixation on weight and body shape and food, also known as eating disorders.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

According to Johns Hopkins university.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

The most common age of onset for eating disorders is between 12 and 25.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Anorexia and bulimia, respectively, affect 0.5% and two to 3% of

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women over their lifetime.

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Although eating disorders can affect anyone at any life stage,

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they're most often reported in adolescents and young women.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

In fact, the National Institute of Health states that up to 13% of

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youth may experience at least one eating disorder by the age of 20.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

That is some heavy data.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Thankfully my guest this week, Ashley Carpentier was willing to

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

sit down and talk through this complicated and emotional topic.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Ashley has a master's in mental health counseling and a

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background in health and wellness.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

She's a therapist as well as an online mental wellness coach with a

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history of working with individuals with eating disorders, including

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

many adolescents and teens.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Through her work, ashley has learned a lot about self-love and how important it is.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

And her ultimate goal is to simplify self-love in a world

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

that tries to over-complicate it.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Here's our conversation.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Ashley.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Thank you so much for joining me this morning.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

I'd love to start with a quick summary of how you became a school

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

therapist and discovered your passion for working with people especially

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

girls with eating disorders.

Ashley Carpentier:

well, first of all, thank you so much for having

Ashley Carpentier:

me I'm excited to share today.

Ashley Carpentier:

it all started in high school.

Ashley Carpentier:

I took a psychology class and that kind of just sparked my interest in all

Ashley Carpentier:

things, mental health, eating disorders.

Ashley Carpentier:

and I also have always had this desire to just help people and listen to people.

Ashley Carpentier:

so I went to college for counseling.

Ashley Carpentier:

I got my bachelor's in family and counseling.

Ashley Carpentier:

And then I got my masters in mental health counseling.

Ashley Carpentier:

So I've always been super interested in mental health and

Ashley Carpentier:

specifically eating disorders.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Hmm.

Ashley Carpentier:

While I was in grad school, actually, I started working

Ashley Carpentier:

at an eating disorder clinic because it was kind of my dream all along is

Ashley Carpentier:

to just help those women . And so, I jumped in, and I learned so much

Ashley Carpentier:

about eating disorders and how to help women and girls with eating disorders.

Ashley Carpentier:

I did transition from the clinic to school-based mental health therapy.

Ashley Carpentier:

Um, I, I love working with adolescents.

Ashley Carpentier:

And so it was kind of a perfect fit for me.

Ashley Carpentier:

I have just a variety of everything.

Ashley Carpentier:

Which is nice, but eating disorders is kind of where I love to work.

. Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

So I'd love to start with myths around eating disorders.

. Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Can you name some, are there any, I, cause I know I have some thoughts

. Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

about what eating disorders look like, or I'd love to hear if there are

. Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

kind of myths, you'd love to dispel.

Ashley Carpentier:

Yeah.

Ashley Carpentier:

So there are two that are really big.

Ashley Carpentier:

The first one is that all eating disorders happen to girls and that is not true.

Ashley Carpentier:

It is more prevalent in girls.

Ashley Carpentier:

It's a higher percentage of girls.

Ashley Carpentier:

But it does happen in men and I think that's often overlooked and that

Ashley Carpentier:

men often don't get the treatment that they need because you know,

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Yeah.

Ashley Carpentier:

don't see it

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Sure.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

And certainly as a society, we're not really encouraging, generally

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

of, as encouraging of, men to share their feelings and feel comfortable,

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

you know, being vulnerable.

Ashley Carpentier:

Yeah.

Ashley Carpentier:

Um, and then the other one is that, you have to be skinny

Ashley Carpentier:

to have an eating disorder,

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Hmm.

Ashley Carpentier:

Um, and that's very false.

Ashley Carpentier:

There's all kinds of eating disorders and they're all valid.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Yeah.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

You know, this maybe is a good segue into what are the causes?

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Like how do we know?

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

what triggers.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

I think that it's hard to tell from the surface.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

So if we know what the causes are, then maybe that might attune our brains as

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

parents and moms to, to be sensitive to the possibility of it existing.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

So yeah.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Can you dive a little into that?

Ashley Carpentier:

Yeah.

Ashley Carpentier:

This one is kind of hard because honestly there's a lot of causes.

Ashley Carpentier:

It could be a lot of different things.

Ashley Carpentier:

A lot of it comes down to control and feeling like they

Ashley Carpentier:

can't control other things.

Ashley Carpentier:

and a lot of times it's related to their body image.

Ashley Carpentier:

So, not feeling good in their body feeling like they're fat or , whatever, it may be.

Ashley Carpentier:

A lot of times it's linked to that.

Ashley Carpentier:

And having negative thoughts about their body, um, there is,

Ashley Carpentier:

body dysmorphic disorder where this is basically where they see

Ashley Carpentier:

themselves as bigger than they are.

Ashley Carpentier:

You know, like those fun mirrors It's kinda like that.

Ashley Carpentier:

Like, they, they feel that they appear bigger than they are.

Ashley Carpentier:

almost always, they're not happy with their body.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Okay.

Ashley Carpentier:

So a lot of it comes back to that control.

Ashley Carpentier:

you know, things that happened in the past can always lead to an eating disorder.

Ashley Carpentier:

So like with binge eating disorder, maybe they didn't get enough food in the past.

Ashley Carpentier:

Like maybe they were deprived or neglected as a kid.

Ashley Carpentier:

And so they're going to binge eat as an adult , you know, to make up for that.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

So what would you say are some of the,

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

I guess warning signs that, uh, that parents can look out for?

Ashley Carpentier:

Yeah.

Ashley Carpentier:

Well, it kind of differs with the different eating disorders.

Ashley Carpentier:

Uh so like, for example, with binge eating, You know, eating when they're

Ashley Carpentier:

not hungry, eating until they're sick.

Ashley Carpentier:

Of course they do some of this in secret.

Ashley Carpentier:

So, you know, if you notice, um, a lot of missing food wrappers, things

Ashley Carpentier:

like that, that's a warning sign that they are eating that they're bingeing.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Okay.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Yeah.

Ashley Carpentier:

On the other side, if, they're skipping meals,

Ashley Carpentier:

if you're noticing them not eating.

Ashley Carpentier:

So for me, I grew up in a family where we sat down and

Ashley Carpentier:

ate dinner together every night.

Ashley Carpentier:

So like, if we skipped dinner, that would be really out of the ordinary.

Ashley Carpentier:

But I know some people, they don't do that.

Ashley Carpentier:

Like they don't sit down and eat meals together.

Ashley Carpentier:

So like be aware if your kids are skipping meals, not eating that kind of thing.

Ashley Carpentier:

So that's a really big warning sign for that.

Ashley Carpentier:

And then there's things like, fluctuation of weight, which isn't always obvious,

Ashley Carpentier:

but, um, could be a warning sign.

Ashley Carpentier:

Um, if they're purging.

Ashley Carpentier:

So with bulemia they will binge and then Do something to get rid of it.

Ashley Carpentier:

So a lot of times that'll cause dental problems it'll cause calluses on the hands

Ashley Carpentier:

from putting their hand and biting down.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

is it on the palms or it's on a.

Ashley Carpentier:

Um, it's like on the knuckles.

Ashley Carpentier:

So they put their hand down to, you know, make themselves and

Ashley Carpentier:

then their teeth bites down.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Oh my gosh.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Well, that's that's I had no idea

Ashley Carpentier:

And then, really it'll cause some big mood swings.

Ashley Carpentier:

So if you noticed, I mean, in adolescents, that's kind of normal, you know, their

Ashley Carpentier:

needs are all over the place, but if it's extreme, going up and down,

Ashley Carpentier:

um, that could be a warning sign.

Ashley Carpentier:

Again, extreme concern with body weight, anything like that.

Ashley Carpentier:

Making comments that they don't like their body.

Ashley Carpentier:

That's a big warning sign.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Okay.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

That makes sense.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

And so , the discontent, so , if our daughter is displaying discontent or

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

unhappiness with how she looks, at what point does it become kind of a

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

cause for concern Like, if a teen says they're on a diet, is that something we

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

should have our spidey senses up about, or I guess it depends on the context.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

I'd just like to hear, about that a little more.

Ashley Carpentier:

Yeah.

Ashley Carpentier:

So this is kind of like a touchy subject, you know, dieting.

Ashley Carpentier:

I think it depends, first of all, I just, I don't love the word dieting,

Ashley Carpentier:

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: either me either.

Ashley Carpentier:

it just has a negative connotation and, I think

Ashley Carpentier:

i f someone truly needs to lose weight for their health, I think

Ashley Carpentier:

that's a whole different story.

Ashley Carpentier:

And you know, looking at the food they're eating is good.

Ashley Carpentier:

Um, but it's not about the deprivation.

Ashley Carpentier:

It's about making sure they're getting the things they need.

Ashley Carpentier:

And I think that's where we need to shift is not looking at dieting

Ashley Carpentier:

because dieting is kind of linked with restriction, you know?

Ashley Carpentier:

And I think turning that to, you know, how can I fuel my body?

Ashley Carpentier:

And, you know, eat things in moderation and, you know, not eat all junk food,

Ashley Carpentier:

but maybe sometimes like once in a while.

Ashley Carpentier:

But also, eating fruits and vegetables.

Ashley Carpentier:

And so I think there's no perfect answer.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Yeah, right.

Ashley Carpentier:

Um, I think looking at it as taking care of your body rather

Ashley Carpentier:

than, dieting, does that make sense?

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Yes.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Well, I think of it a little bit, or it resonates with me because, another

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

person I spoke with, um, for the podcast, about body image and self confidence in

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

girls, kind of talking about your body as a instrument and not an ornament.

Ashley Carpentier:

Yes.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

similarly, I think if with food, you know,

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

treating it as a fuel and, wanting to kind of optimize the functioning

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

of your body versus, Tying it to how your body looks or that sort of thing.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

That's kinda how I'm hearing that.

Ashley Carpentier:

Yeah, exactly.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

I know when I first heard of that, like,

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Not an ornament, but an instrument.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

It was just a little catch phrase that in my brain, I think is buried

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

in there somewhere so that when I am choosing my words about food or about

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

exercise or, healthy habits, that's what I'm trying to focus on is the,

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

you know, how does this make you feel?

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Does it make your body stronger

Ashley Carpentier:

I love that because none of those things are bad.

Ashley Carpentier:

You know, food is good.

Ashley Carpentier:

Exercise is good.

Ashley Carpentier:

Um, it's just what we use in for.

Ashley Carpentier:

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: Oh, that makes complete sense.

Ashley Carpentier:

So what can we do to support our daughters, especially, you

Ashley Carpentier:

know, if we see certain things

Ashley Carpentier:

. Ashley Carpentier: I think it's important.

Ashley Carpentier:

Not to push them.

Ashley Carpentier:

I know that can be hard when, you want the best for your daughter.

Ashley Carpentier:

But really like being there, but not pushing, listening to them, you know truly

Ashley Carpentier:

listening to what's going on for them.

Ashley Carpentier:

And being patient because, you know, eating disorders, they

Ashley Carpentier:

have so many ups and downs.

Ashley Carpentier:

One of the most important things is just being there for them, um, and letting them

Ashley Carpentier:

know, like you're there to support them.

Ashley Carpentier:

You won't always understand what they're going through.

Ashley Carpentier:

But they will ultimately appreciate you just being there and supporting them.

Ashley Carpentier:

And another important thing is not talking about food and weight.

Ashley Carpentier:

I know that.

Ashley Carpentier:

Can be difficult not to talk about.

Ashley Carpentier:

Cause it's, it can be a part of our normal conversation, but it

Ashley Carpentier:

can actually be really triggering to girls with eating disorders.

Ashley Carpentier:

You never know what will make them feel bad about themselves.

Ashley Carpentier:

A good rule is to just not talk about numbers.

Ashley Carpentier:

we had that rule at the eating disorder clinic, and I think

Ashley Carpentier:

it's a good rule to keep is just, you know, numbers don't matter.

Ashley Carpentier:

And ultimately teaching them how to take care of themselves is what matters.

Ashley Carpentier:

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: Mm, I love that.

Ashley Carpentier:

So,

Ashley Carpentier:

not talking about food and weight.

Ashley Carpentier:

Are there ways that we can kind of keep the lines of communication open?

Ashley Carpentier:

If you sense that your daughter.

Ashley Carpentier:

Is kind of thinking about it too much and maybe bringing it up or

Ashley Carpentier:

like saying I can't eat that it's too fattening or I can't do this.

Ashley Carpentier:

Are there ways we can counteract those statements?

Ashley Carpentier:

Yeah.

Ashley Carpentier:

I think one of the ways is using it as a teaching moment, you know,

Ashley Carpentier:

if they say I can't eat this food, maybe, you know, explaining what

Ashley Carpentier:

this food does for your body or, reminding them that you need food.

Ashley Carpentier:

And just kind of going back to that encouragement and, patience,

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Yeah.

Ashley Carpentier:

because they might still defy you.

Ashley Carpentier:

But I think, you know, encouraging them, does that make sense?

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

I think so.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

. You know, there might be a judgment associated with food.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

And whether it's said by our daughter or by another family member, like, oh,

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

that junk or, um, is that something you'd discourage, like the judgment around food?

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

I guess I'm curious if that's something we should be avoiding.

Ashley Carpentier:

Yeah, for sure.

Ashley Carpentier:

I think that all food is good.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

So even what you'd consider quote

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

unquote junk food, it can be okay.

Ashley Carpentier:

obviously I'm not saying eat junk food all the

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Right?

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Like go eat Takis 24 7.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

no.

Ashley Carpentier:

no.

Ashley Carpentier:

You know, every once in a while maybe you do and that's okay.

Ashley Carpentier:

I think it comes back to, having that balance of, fueling your

Ashley Carpentier:

body and, you know, also eating the things that you enjoy.

Ashley Carpentier:

And so, those comments about, you shouldn't eat that.

Ashley Carpentier:

Or, um, anything like that really can be triggering some girls.

Ashley Carpentier:

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: and it's subtle too.

Ashley Carpentier:

I feel like, even just calling, uh, food junk food or, uh, we don't eat that crap.

Ashley Carpentier:

Like I, I could imagine it sets up a framework in someone's head.

Ashley Carpentier:

You know, maybe even if they want to be rebellious or they want to feel like

Ashley Carpentier:

they're in control or doing something that maybe isn't part of an approved,

Ashley Carpentier:

lifestyle than that might kind of push them to make decisions in that realm.

Ashley Carpentier:

Yeah.

Ashley Carpentier:

And you know, it's part of our culture to think like that, these

Ashley Carpentier:

comments and stuff are just.

Ashley Carpentier:

It's diet culture.

Ashley Carpentier:

Um, and it's, it's how we are, you know, we're surrounded with it.

Ashley Carpentier:

These comments and these thoughts about food, they're just all over

Ashley Carpentier:

social media and, we're raised with.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

So true on the topic of social media, how

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

do you think it helps or hurts?

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

How can parents get involved?

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

If, if we, if we're lucky enough to have that relationship where we can manage

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

and help our daughter manage that, can you talk a little bit about what ha you

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

know, how social media factors into all.

Ashley Carpentier:

Yeah, I think now it affects this a lot.

Ashley Carpentier:

maybe more than we even realize, um, because you know, Younger kids

Ashley Carpentier:

now are on there all the time.

Ashley Carpentier:

and so they're constantly comparing themselves to other girls that maybe

Ashley Carpentier:

look the way that they want to look.

Ashley Carpentier:

And so it's a constant reminder of how they don't look and just encouraging

Ashley Carpentier:

that eating disorder, traits basically.

Ashley Carpentier:

So I think.

Ashley Carpentier:

Just teaching them, you know, how to positively use social media.

Ashley Carpentier:

So teaching them, to follow positive accounts that encourage them , rather

Ashley Carpentier:

than, a accounts that are tearing them down, I think is really important.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Hmm.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Hmm.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

I like that being proactive aspect of social media.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

I like what you said about encouraging your daughters to follow

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

positive accounts so that we are in control , it's not something that.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

We can tell them not to use , but kind of using it smarter and, being

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

empowered to make decisions about what you're letting into your consciousness

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

and into your frame of reference.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

I think that's great.

Ashley Carpentier:

Yeah.

Ashley Carpentier:

And like I said earlier often makes you like they're out of control and this

Ashley Carpentier:

is something that they can control.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Yeah.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

So, um, would you encourage parents to talk to their daughters

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

about this, even if they don't see any reason to be concerned.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Like, is it okay or would you encourage parents to talk about

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

eating disorders when it doesn't seem to be an issue at all.

Ashley Carpentier:

Yes, absolutely.

Ashley Carpentier:

This is kind of like, with suicide, it's often, thought of that.

Ashley Carpentier:

Like, if you talk about suicide, it's going to put this thought in their head

Ashley Carpentier:

and they're going to want to do it more,

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

right.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

And the options on the table.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Yeah.

Ashley Carpentier:

Yeah.

Ashley Carpentier:

But it actually informs them and it does not encourage them.

Ashley Carpentier:

So it's kinda the same with this, just because we talk about

Ashley Carpentier:

eating disorders doesn't mean, it's going to encourage your child to.

Ashley Carpentier:

Engage in these behaviors, I actually think, start as young as you can, not

Ashley Carpentier:

necessarily talking about eating disorders, but teaching them how to take

Ashley Carpentier:

care of their body and love themselves.

Ashley Carpentier:

You know, just teach them to have self-love and take care of themselves.

Ashley Carpentier:

And I think that is as a parent, one of the best things you can do.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Yeah,

Ashley Carpentier:

I think another part important part about that is not.

Ashley Carpentier:

I encourage moms to not talk about their bodies.

Ashley Carpentier:

Because I see a lot of kids that come in, who they've heard negative comments,

Ashley Carpentier:

their whole lives from their moms.

Ashley Carpentier:

And that definitely encourages the eating disorders.

Ashley Carpentier:

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: that is fascinating.

Ashley Carpentier:

Um, the importance of role modeling to your kids.

Ashley Carpentier:

we have to be the person we want our kids to be.

Ashley Carpentier:

So if we don't want our kids to feel terribly about their bodies or talk about

Ashley Carpentier:

their bodies in certain way, we have to make sure we're not doing it to ourselves.

Ashley Carpentier:

Yeah.

Ashley Carpentier:

For sure.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

So I'd love to close with maybe an

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affirmation or favorite quote you have

Ashley Carpentier:

my favorite affirmation is I am enough.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Um

Ashley Carpentier:

body, mind, everything.

Ashley Carpentier:

I am enough.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

I always get chills when I hear that.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

It is such a good one.

Ashley Carpentier:

Yeah.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

I'm so grateful to Ashley for sharing her

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insights, advice, and encouragement.

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Around these interconnected topics of eating disorders, body image.

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Healthy relationships with food self-talk and role modeling.

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Here are my key takeaways from our chat.

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Number one.

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Eating disorders can stem from many factors.

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Body image issues and a desire to have a sense of control are common ones.

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But it can be difficult to pinpoint one specific cause.

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Number two.

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Some red flags include an ongoing, extreme concern with their weight making

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negative comments about their body.

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Big mood swings bigger than what you might expect at this age.

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And restricting food intake, avoiding food and not eating can

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be hard to notice if your family doesn't routinely eat together.

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But try to be aware of this.

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And note that signs of binge eating it include empty wrappers and food

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containers, food going missing.

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And potentially dental issues and calluses on their knuckles.

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If it's been going on for awhile.

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Number three.

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Be wary of the term dieting, which is tied to restriction.

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Instead, try to look at food as fuel.

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Remind your daughter, that her body is an instrument, not an ornament.

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So choose foods that will help it function and help her feel better.

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Number four, avoid talking about weight, especially if you sense that

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your daughter may be overly concerned with her body and food and her weight.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Uh, a good rule of thumb is to not talk about numbers.

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Focus instead on what it means to take care of yourself and what feels healthy.

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Number five.

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Remember all food is fine.

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We just want to eat food inappropriate amounts for the right reasons.

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Labeling food as junk or crap.

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Isn't really helpful.

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So eat food you enjoy in moderation.

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That's healthy.

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Number six.

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Encourage positive use of social media.

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Teach your daughter, how to look for accounts that make her feel

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better about herself and her body.

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And number seven.

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Talk about self-love and taking care of yourself.

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A lot it's never too early or too late to start.

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And keep doing it.

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Be sure to model self-love as well.

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If you, as a parent put down your body, your daughters will internalize these

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beliefs and exhibit this behavior to.

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If you were like me, this conversation really sparked an interest in how we can

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prevent eating disorders from manifesting.

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While it's clear.

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There's no silver bullet.

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Ashley's comments are echoed by the national eating disorders association or

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NEDA, which says that prevention efforts can include reducing negative risk factors

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like body dissatisfaction, depression, or basing self-esteem on appearance.

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And increasing positive factors.

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Like helping your daughter define herself outside of her looks.

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Replacing dieting and body snarking with more intuitive eating.

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And appreciating what her body can do over her body's appearance.

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If an eating disorder is affecting you or someone you care about, please seek

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out support and additional information.

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NEDA has many resources@nationaleatingdisorders.org.

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You can call or text their helpline.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Um, they also have an online chat function.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

They're volunteers are trained to help you find the support and information you need.

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Links to NEDA and other helpful organizations are

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posted in the show notes.

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If you're interested in learning more about Ashley Carpentier and her work,

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you can visit Ashley Carpentier.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

That's Ashley.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

C a R P E N T I E R.

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Carpenter with an added I m.com.

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She's also on Instagram at Ashley Renee Carpentier.

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And she has a Facebook group, facebook.com/groups/learning

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

to love yourself community.

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She also recently published a self care journal, which

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simplifies taking care of yourself.

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So you can incorporate the practices daily.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

These links are all in the show notes as well.

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So do check them out.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Thanks for joining today for such an important topic.

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If you found this show helpful, remember to follow or subscribe, tell a friend.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

And follow at.

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Noby raised them on Instagram.

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Feel free to DM me there or on Facebook, if you have show

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ideas, questions, comments.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

Or just want to say hi.

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Again, I'm grateful for you.

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And I applaud you for listening.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

And here's to strong women.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

May we know them?

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:

May we be them?

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About the Podcast

Know Them, Be Them, Raise Them
Helping moms be & raise strong women
Are you a growth-oriented, mindful and busy mom who wants to raise strong daughters? Me too!

Tune in for short episodes (under 25 min) filled with inspiration, insights and actionable tips from experts, moms who’ve been there, and host Carmelita Tiu (a mom of two girls herself).

Hear about timely (& sometimes tough) topics: boundaries, self-care, creating safe spaces, self confidence, intuition, negative patterns, body positivity, friendship, body image, gender stereotypes, stress, and more.

Follow @knowberaisethem on Instagram for more info.

And here’s to strong women -- may we know them, may we be them, and may we raise them.

About your host

Profile picture for Carmelita Tiu

Carmelita Tiu

Service, creativity, and human potential -- these things inspire Carmelita Tiu as an attorney, podcaster, creative, educator and parent. After receiving her art degree and law degree, she worked as an attorney at The Oprah Winfrey Show and OWN: The Oprah Winfrey Network for several years, then pivoted to the design and advertising world. She's also held adjunct professorships at DePaul University and Columbia College Chicago, and served on the boards of numerous cultural and community service organizations.

As a curious and committed mom to two daughters, Carmelita recently launched the podcast, "Know Them, Be Them, Raise Them," a show that informs and inspires mindful and growth-oriented moms of girls -- so they can show up for themselves and their daughters the way they want to. "Know Them, Be Them, Raise Them" is on all the major podcast platforms, or head to knowberaisethem.com.

Though she's based in Chicago, she's currently looping around the U.S. with her family for the 2021-22 school year -- a bucket list dive into memory-making, hyperfocusing on the family, and pouring into passion projects.