Girls and Eating Disorders...and Moms // with Ashley Carpentier

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Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: Hello, all I'm Carmelita too.

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And welcome to Know them.

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Be them.

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Raise them.

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So not too long ago, one of my daughters vented in frustration that she looked fat.

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Mind you, she is lean and fit.

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And that was the first I had heard her express something like this.

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So the comment seemed to come out of nowhere and I wondered about it.

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Did she truly feel bad about her body?

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Did she really see herself as overweight?

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As I mulled over this, I also realized that while I've talked about and have

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interviewed guests about body image self-confidence and negative self-talk

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I hadn't covered- the mental health conditions that involve an unhealthy

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fixation on weight and body shape and food, also known as eating disorders.

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According to Johns Hopkins university.

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The most common age of onset for eating disorders is between 12 and 25.

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Anorexia and bulimia, respectively, affect 0.5% and two to 3% of

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women over their lifetime.

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Although eating disorders can affect anyone at any life stage,

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they're most often reported in adolescents and young women.

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In fact, the National Institute of Health states that up to 13% of

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youth may experience at least one eating disorder by the age of 20.

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That is some heavy data.

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Thankfully my guest this week, Ashley Carpentier was willing to

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sit down and talk through this complicated and emotional topic.

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Ashley has a master's in mental health counseling and a

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background in health and wellness.

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She's a therapist as well as an online mental wellness coach with a

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history of working with individuals with eating disorders, including

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many adolescents and teens.

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Through her work, ashley has learned a lot about self-love and how important it is.

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And her ultimate goal is to simplify self-love in a world

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that tries to over-complicate it.

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Here's our conversation.

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Ashley.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:02:30

Thank you so much for joining me this morning.

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I'd love to start with a quick summary of how you became a school

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therapist and discovered your passion for working with people especially

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girls with eating disorders.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:02:42

well, first of all, thank you so much for having

Ashley Carpentier: 00:02:43

me I'm excited to share today.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:02:46

it all started in high school.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:02:47

I took a psychology class and that kind of just sparked my interest in all

Ashley Carpentier: 00:02:52

things, mental health, eating disorders.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:02:55

and I also have always had this desire to just help people and listen to people.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:03:01

so I went to college for counseling.

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I got my bachelor's in family and counseling.

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And then I got my masters in mental health counseling.

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So I've always been super interested in mental health and

Ashley Carpentier: 00:03:16

specifically eating disorders.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:03:18

Hmm.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:03:19

While I was in grad school, actually, I started working

Ashley Carpentier: 00:03:22

at an eating disorder clinic because it was kind of my dream all along is

Ashley Carpentier: 00:03:26

to just help those women . And so, I jumped in, and I learned so much

Ashley Carpentier: 00:03:32

about eating disorders and how to help women and girls with eating disorders.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:03:38

I did transition from the clinic to school-based mental health therapy.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:03:45

Um, I, I love working with adolescents.

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And so it was kind of a perfect fit for me.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:03:51

I have just a variety of everything.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:03:53

Which is nice, but eating disorders is kind of where I love to work.

. Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:03:58

So I'd love to start with myths around eating disorders.

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Can you name some, are there any, I, cause I know I have some thoughts

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about what eating disorders look like, or I'd love to hear if there are

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kind of myths, you'd love to dispel.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:04:11

Yeah.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:04:12

So there are two that are really big.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:04:16

The first one is that all eating disorders happen to girls and that is not true.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:04:22

It is more prevalent in girls.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:04:26

It's a higher percentage of girls.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:04:29

But it does happen in men and I think that's often overlooked and that

Ashley Carpentier: 00:04:33

men often don't get the treatment that they need because you know,

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:04:37

Yeah.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:04:38

don't see it

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:04:39

Sure.

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And certainly as a society, we're not really encouraging, generally

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of, as encouraging of, men to share their feelings and feel comfortable,

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you know, being vulnerable.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:04:49

Yeah.

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Um, and then the other one is that, you have to be skinny

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to have an eating disorder,

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Hmm.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:04:57

Um, and that's very false.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:05:00

There's all kinds of eating disorders and they're all valid.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:05:05

Yeah.

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You know, this maybe is a good segue into what are the causes?

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Like how do we know?

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what triggers.

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I think that it's hard to tell from the surface.

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So if we know what the causes are, then maybe that might attune our brains as

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parents and moms to, to be sensitive to the possibility of it existing.

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So yeah.

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Can you dive a little into that?

Ashley Carpentier: 00:05:29

Yeah.

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This one is kind of hard because honestly there's a lot of causes.

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It could be a lot of different things.

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A lot of it comes down to control and feeling like they

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can't control other things.

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and a lot of times it's related to their body image.

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So, not feeling good in their body feeling like they're fat or , whatever, it may be.

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A lot of times it's linked to that.

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And having negative thoughts about their body, um, there is,

Ashley Carpentier: 00:05:59

body dysmorphic disorder where this is basically where they see

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themselves as bigger than they are.

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You know, like those fun mirrors It's kinda like that.

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Like, they, they feel that they appear bigger than they are.

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almost always, they're not happy with their body.

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Okay.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:06:19

So a lot of it comes back to that control.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:06:22

you know, things that happened in the past can always lead to an eating disorder.

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So like with binge eating disorder, maybe they didn't get enough food in the past.

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Like maybe they were deprived or neglected as a kid.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:06:35

And so they're going to binge eat as an adult , you know, to make up for that.

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So what would you say are some of the,

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:06:44

I guess warning signs that, uh, that parents can look out for?

Ashley Carpentier: 00:06:49

Yeah.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:06:51

Well, it kind of differs with the different eating disorders.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:06:56

Uh so like, for example, with binge eating, You know, eating when they're

Ashley Carpentier: 00:07:00

not hungry, eating until they're sick.

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Of course they do some of this in secret.

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So, you know, if you notice, um, a lot of missing food wrappers, things

Ashley Carpentier: 00:07:13

like that, that's a warning sign that they are eating that they're bingeing.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:07:18

Okay.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:07:19

Yeah.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:07:19

On the other side, if, they're skipping meals,

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if you're noticing them not eating.

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So for me, I grew up in a family where we sat down and

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ate dinner together every night.

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So like, if we skipped dinner, that would be really out of the ordinary.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:07:36

But I know some people, they don't do that.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:07:38

Like they don't sit down and eat meals together.

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So like be aware if your kids are skipping meals, not eating that kind of thing.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:07:47

So that's a really big warning sign for that.

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And then there's things like, fluctuation of weight, which isn't always obvious,

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but, um, could be a warning sign.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:07:57

Um, if they're purging.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:08:00

So with bulemia they will binge and then Do something to get rid of it.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:08:06

So a lot of times that'll cause dental problems it'll cause calluses on the hands

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from putting their hand and biting down.

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is it on the palms or it's on a.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:08:17

Um, it's like on the knuckles.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:08:19

So they put their hand down to, you know, make themselves and

Ashley Carpentier: 00:08:23

then their teeth bites down.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:08:26

Oh my gosh.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:08:26

Well, that's that's I had no idea

Ashley Carpentier: 00:08:29

And then, really it'll cause some big mood swings.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:08:32

So if you noticed, I mean, in adolescents, that's kind of normal, you know, their

Ashley Carpentier: 00:08:39

needs are all over the place, but if it's extreme, going up and down,

Ashley Carpentier: 00:08:44

um, that could be a warning sign.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:08:47

Again, extreme concern with body weight, anything like that.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:08:51

Making comments that they don't like their body.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:08:54

That's a big warning sign.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:08:55

Okay.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:08:56

That makes sense.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:08:58

And so , the discontent, so , if our daughter is displaying discontent or

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unhappiness with how she looks, at what point does it become kind of a

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:09:10

cause for concern Like, if a teen says they're on a diet, is that something we

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:09:16

should have our spidey senses up about, or I guess it depends on the context.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:09:20

I'd just like to hear, about that a little more.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:09:23

Yeah.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:09:24

So this is kind of like a touchy subject, you know, dieting.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:09:29

I think it depends, first of all, I just, I don't love the word dieting,

Ashley Carpentier: 00:09:34

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: either me either.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:09:36

it just has a negative connotation and, I think

Ashley Carpentier: 00:09:41

i f someone truly needs to lose weight for their health, I think

Ashley Carpentier: 00:09:46

that's a whole different story.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:09:48

And you know, looking at the food they're eating is good.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:09:51

Um, but it's not about the deprivation.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:09:54

It's about making sure they're getting the things they need.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:09:57

And I think that's where we need to shift is not looking at dieting

Ashley Carpentier: 00:10:02

because dieting is kind of linked with restriction, you know?

Ashley Carpentier: 00:10:06

And I think turning that to, you know, how can I fuel my body?

Ashley Carpentier: 00:10:11

And, you know, eat things in moderation and, you know, not eat all junk food,

Ashley Carpentier: 00:10:17

but maybe sometimes like once in a while.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:10:20

But also, eating fruits and vegetables.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:10:22

And so I think there's no perfect answer.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:10:27

Yeah, right.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:10:28

Um, I think looking at it as taking care of your body rather

Ashley Carpentier: 00:10:33

than, dieting, does that make sense?

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:10:37

Yes.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:10:37

Well, I think of it a little bit, or it resonates with me because, another

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:10:42

person I spoke with, um, for the podcast, about body image and self confidence in

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:10:48

girls, kind of talking about your body as a instrument and not an ornament.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:10:53

Yes.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:10:56

similarly, I think if with food, you know,

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:10:59

treating it as a fuel and, wanting to kind of optimize the functioning

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:11:03

of your body versus, Tying it to how your body looks or that sort of thing.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:11:10

That's kinda how I'm hearing that.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:11:12

Yeah, exactly.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:11:14

I know when I first heard of that, like,

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:11:16

Not an ornament, but an instrument.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:11:18

It was just a little catch phrase that in my brain, I think is buried

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:11:22

in there somewhere so that when I am choosing my words about food or about

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:11:27

exercise or, healthy habits, that's what I'm trying to focus on is the,

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:11:33

you know, how does this make you feel?

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:11:35

Does it make your body stronger

Ashley Carpentier: 00:11:38

I love that because none of those things are bad.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:11:41

You know, food is good.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:11:42

Exercise is good.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:11:44

Um, it's just what we use in for.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:11:45

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: Oh, that makes complete sense.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:11:49

So what can we do to support our daughters, especially, you

Ashley Carpentier: 00:11:54

know, if we see certain things

Ashley Carpentier: 00:11:56

. Ashley Carpentier: I think it's important.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:11:58

Not to push them.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:12:00

I know that can be hard when, you want the best for your daughter.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:12:04

But really like being there, but not pushing, listening to them, you know truly

Ashley Carpentier: 00:12:11

listening to what's going on for them.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:12:13

And being patient because, you know, eating disorders, they

Ashley Carpentier: 00:12:18

have so many ups and downs.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:12:20

One of the most important things is just being there for them, um, and letting them

Ashley Carpentier: 00:12:26

know, like you're there to support them.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:12:28

You won't always understand what they're going through.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:12:32

But they will ultimately appreciate you just being there and supporting them.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:12:38

And another important thing is not talking about food and weight.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:12:43

I know that.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:12:45

Can be difficult not to talk about.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:12:47

Cause it's, it can be a part of our normal conversation, but it

Ashley Carpentier: 00:12:50

can actually be really triggering to girls with eating disorders.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:12:54

You never know what will make them feel bad about themselves.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:12:59

A good rule is to just not talk about numbers.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:13:03

we had that rule at the eating disorder clinic, and I think

Ashley Carpentier: 00:13:07

it's a good rule to keep is just, you know, numbers don't matter.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:13:10

And ultimately teaching them how to take care of themselves is what matters.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:13:15

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: Mm, I love that.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:13:17

So,

Ashley Carpentier: 00:13:19

not talking about food and weight.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:13:22

Are there ways that we can kind of keep the lines of communication open?

Ashley Carpentier: 00:13:27

If you sense that your daughter.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:13:29

Is kind of thinking about it too much and maybe bringing it up or

Ashley Carpentier: 00:13:34

like saying I can't eat that it's too fattening or I can't do this.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:13:38

Are there ways we can counteract those statements?

Ashley Carpentier: 00:13:42

Yeah.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:13:43

I think one of the ways is using it as a teaching moment, you know,

Ashley Carpentier: 00:13:47

if they say I can't eat this food, maybe, you know, explaining what

Ashley Carpentier: 00:13:51

this food does for your body or, reminding them that you need food.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:13:56

And just kind of going back to that encouragement and, patience,

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:14:01

Yeah.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:14:03

because they might still defy you.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:14:05

But I think, you know, encouraging them, does that make sense?

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:14:09

I think so.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:14:10

. You know, there might be a judgment associated with food.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:14:13

And whether it's said by our daughter or by another family member, like, oh,

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:14:18

that junk or, um, is that something you'd discourage, like the judgment around food?

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:14:26

I guess I'm curious if that's something we should be avoiding.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:14:30

Yeah, for sure.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:14:32

I think that all food is good.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:14:35

So even what you'd consider quote

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:14:37

unquote junk food, it can be okay.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:14:40

obviously I'm not saying eat junk food all the

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:14:43

Right?

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:14:44

Like go eat Takis 24 7.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:14:46

no.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:14:46

no.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:14:50

You know, every once in a while maybe you do and that's okay.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:14:54

I think it comes back to, having that balance of, fueling your

Ashley Carpentier: 00:14:58

body and, you know, also eating the things that you enjoy.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:15:03

And so, those comments about, you shouldn't eat that.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:15:07

Or, um, anything like that really can be triggering some girls.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:15:13

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: and it's subtle too.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:15:14

I feel like, even just calling, uh, food junk food or, uh, we don't eat that crap.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:15:21

Like I, I could imagine it sets up a framework in someone's head.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:15:26

You know, maybe even if they want to be rebellious or they want to feel like

Ashley Carpentier: 00:15:31

they're in control or doing something that maybe isn't part of an approved,

Ashley Carpentier: 00:15:36

lifestyle than that might kind of push them to make decisions in that realm.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:15:42

Yeah.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:15:42

And you know, it's part of our culture to think like that, these

Ashley Carpentier: 00:15:46

comments and stuff are just.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:15:48

It's diet culture.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:15:50

Um, and it's, it's how we are, you know, we're surrounded with it.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:15:55

These comments and these thoughts about food, they're just all over

Ashley Carpentier: 00:16:00

social media and, we're raised with.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:16:03

So true on the topic of social media, how

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:16:08

do you think it helps or hurts?

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:16:11

How can parents get involved?

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:16:12

If, if we, if we're lucky enough to have that relationship where we can manage

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:16:17

and help our daughter manage that, can you talk a little bit about what ha you

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:16:22

know, how social media factors into all.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:16:25

Yeah, I think now it affects this a lot.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:16:30

maybe more than we even realize, um, because you know, Younger kids

Ashley Carpentier: 00:16:37

now are on there all the time.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:16:40

and so they're constantly comparing themselves to other girls that maybe

Ashley Carpentier: 00:16:46

look the way that they want to look.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:16:48

And so it's a constant reminder of how they don't look and just encouraging

Ashley Carpentier: 00:16:54

that eating disorder, traits basically.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:16:57

So I think.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:16:58

Just teaching them, you know, how to positively use social media.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:17:03

So teaching them, to follow positive accounts that encourage them , rather

Ashley Carpentier: 00:17:07

than, a accounts that are tearing them down, I think is really important.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:17:11

Hmm.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:17:11

Hmm.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:17:12

I like that being proactive aspect of social media.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:17:17

I like what you said about encouraging your daughters to follow

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:17:20

positive accounts so that we are in control , it's not something that.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:17:26

We can tell them not to use , but kind of using it smarter and, being

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:17:32

empowered to make decisions about what you're letting into your consciousness

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:17:36

and into your frame of reference.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:17:39

I think that's great.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:17:41

Yeah.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:17:41

And like I said earlier often makes you like they're out of control and this

Ashley Carpentier: 00:17:45

is something that they can control.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:17:48

Yeah.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:17:49

So, um, would you encourage parents to talk to their daughters

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:17:54

about this, even if they don't see any reason to be concerned.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:17:58

Like, is it okay or would you encourage parents to talk about

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:18:02

eating disorders when it doesn't seem to be an issue at all.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:18:05

Yes, absolutely.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:18:07

This is kind of like, with suicide, it's often, thought of that.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:18:12

Like, if you talk about suicide, it's going to put this thought in their head

Ashley Carpentier: 00:18:15

and they're going to want to do it more,

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:18:17

right.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:18:17

And the options on the table.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:18:19

Yeah.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:18:20

Yeah.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:18:20

But it actually informs them and it does not encourage them.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:18:25

So it's kinda the same with this, just because we talk about

Ashley Carpentier: 00:18:28

eating disorders doesn't mean, it's going to encourage your child to.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:18:35

Engage in these behaviors, I actually think, start as young as you can, not

Ashley Carpentier: 00:18:40

necessarily talking about eating disorders, but teaching them how to take

Ashley Carpentier: 00:18:44

care of their body and love themselves.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:18:48

You know, just teach them to have self-love and take care of themselves.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:18:56

And I think that is as a parent, one of the best things you can do.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:19:00

Yeah,

Ashley Carpentier: 00:19:01

I think another part important part about that is not.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:19:06

I encourage moms to not talk about their bodies.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:19:09

Because I see a lot of kids that come in, who they've heard negative comments,

Ashley Carpentier: 00:19:15

their whole lives from their moms.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:19:18

And that definitely encourages the eating disorders.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:19:22

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: that is fascinating.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:19:23

Um, the importance of role modeling to your kids.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:19:28

we have to be the person we want our kids to be.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:19:32

So if we don't want our kids to feel terribly about their bodies or talk about

Ashley Carpentier: 00:19:37

their bodies in certain way, we have to make sure we're not doing it to ourselves.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:19:41

Yeah.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:19:42

For sure.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:19:43

So I'd love to close with maybe an

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:19:46

affirmation or favorite quote you have

Ashley Carpentier: 00:19:48

my favorite affirmation is I am enough.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:19:52

Um

Ashley Carpentier: 00:19:53

body, mind, everything.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:19:56

I am enough.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:19:57

I always get chills when I hear that.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:19:59

It is such a good one.

Ashley Carpentier: 00:20:01

Yeah.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:20:05

I'm so grateful to Ashley for sharing her

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:20:07

insights, advice, and encouragement.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:20:09

Around these interconnected topics of eating disorders, body image.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:20:13

Healthy relationships with food self-talk and role modeling.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:20:18

Here are my key takeaways from our chat.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:20:21

Number one.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:20:22

Eating disorders can stem from many factors.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:20:25

Body image issues and a desire to have a sense of control are common ones.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:20:30

But it can be difficult to pinpoint one specific cause.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:20:33

Number two.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:20:35

Some red flags include an ongoing, extreme concern with their weight making

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:20:39

negative comments about their body.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:20:42

Big mood swings bigger than what you might expect at this age.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:20:46

And restricting food intake, avoiding food and not eating can

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:20:50

be hard to notice if your family doesn't routinely eat together.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:20:53

But try to be aware of this.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:20:55

And note that signs of binge eating it include empty wrappers and food

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:21:00

containers, food going missing.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:21:03

And potentially dental issues and calluses on their knuckles.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:21:06

If it's been going on for awhile.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:21:09

Number three.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:21:10

Be wary of the term dieting, which is tied to restriction.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:21:15

Instead, try to look at food as fuel.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:21:18

Remind your daughter, that her body is an instrument, not an ornament.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:21:22

So choose foods that will help it function and help her feel better.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:21:27

Number four, avoid talking about weight, especially if you sense that

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:21:31

your daughter may be overly concerned with her body and food and her weight.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:21:35

Uh, a good rule of thumb is to not talk about numbers.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:21:39

Focus instead on what it means to take care of yourself and what feels healthy.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:21:44

Number five.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:21:45

Remember all food is fine.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:21:48

We just want to eat food inappropriate amounts for the right reasons.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:21:53

Labeling food as junk or crap.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:21:56

Isn't really helpful.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:21:58

So eat food you enjoy in moderation.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:22:01

That's healthy.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:22:03

Number six.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:22:05

Encourage positive use of social media.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:22:07

Teach your daughter, how to look for accounts that make her feel

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:22:10

better about herself and her body.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:22:14

And number seven.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:22:15

Talk about self-love and taking care of yourself.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:22:18

A lot it's never too early or too late to start.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:22:22

And keep doing it.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:22:24

Be sure to model self-love as well.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:22:26

If you, as a parent put down your body, your daughters will internalize these

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:22:30

beliefs and exhibit this behavior to.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:22:34

If you were like me, this conversation really sparked an interest in how we can

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:22:38

prevent eating disorders from manifesting.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:22:41

While it's clear.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:22:41

There's no silver bullet.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:22:43

Ashley's comments are echoed by the national eating disorders association or

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:22:46

NEDA, which says that prevention efforts can include reducing negative risk factors

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:22:51

like body dissatisfaction, depression, or basing self-esteem on appearance.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:22:57

And increasing positive factors.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:23:00

Like helping your daughter define herself outside of her looks.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:23:03

Replacing dieting and body snarking with more intuitive eating.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:23:08

And appreciating what her body can do over her body's appearance.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:23:14

If an eating disorder is affecting you or someone you care about, please seek

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:23:18

out support and additional information.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:23:21

NEDA has many resources@nationaleatingdisorders.org.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:23:25

You can call or text their helpline.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:23:27

Um, they also have an online chat function.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:23:30

They're volunteers are trained to help you find the support and information you need.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:23:34

Links to NEDA and other helpful organizations are

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:23:37

posted in the show notes.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:23:40

If you're interested in learning more about Ashley Carpentier and her work,

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:23:43

you can visit Ashley Carpentier.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:23:46

That's Ashley.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:23:47

C a R P E N T I E R.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:23:51

Carpenter with an added I m.com.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:23:54

She's also on Instagram at Ashley Renee Carpentier.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:24:00

And she has a Facebook group, facebook.com/groups/learning

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:24:04

to love yourself community.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:24:06

She also recently published a self care journal, which

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:24:10

simplifies taking care of yourself.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:24:11

So you can incorporate the practices daily.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:24:14

These links are all in the show notes as well.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:24:16

So do check them out.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:24:18

Thanks for joining today for such an important topic.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:24:22

If you found this show helpful, remember to follow or subscribe, tell a friend.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:24:26

And follow at.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:24:27

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Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:24:29

Feel free to DM me there or on Facebook, if you have show

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:24:32

ideas, questions, comments.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:24:34

Or just want to say hi.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:24:36

Again, I'm grateful for you.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:24:37

And I applaud you for listening.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:24:39

And here's to strong women.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:24:41

May we know them?

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:24:42

May we be them?