Self-Love and Second-Guessing Society's Definition of Success // with Lacey C. Clark!

Lacey C. Clark: 00:00:01

Success, beauty, love, et cetera, can be what you own.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:00:07

Define for yourself what these things mean and own it.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:00:10

And that's what self love or phenomenality is.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:00:14

hello all, welcome to Know Them, Be Them, Raise Them.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:00:18

A show to help busy, mindful growth-oriented moms stay informed

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:00:22

and inspired as they navigate their daughters tween and teen years.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:00:26

I'm your host Carmelita Tiu.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:00:28

Join me each week to hear from experts, authors, therapists,

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:00:32

coaches, moms who've been there.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:00:34

And I'll read a curated selection of articles with the

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:00:37

author's permission, of course.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:00:39

Most episodes run about 20 minutes or less.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:00:41

Be sure to follow or subscribe and follow @knowberaisethem on Instagram.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:00:47

So my guest this week is Lacey C Clark.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:00:51

A writer, storyteller, cultural producer, empowerment speaker and

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:00:56

world traveler also known as a Ms.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:00:58

Phenomenal, everywhere.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:01:00

With wisdom, grace and passion, Lacey inspires women of all

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:01:03

ages, including tween and teen girls to stay true to themselves.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:01:08

Her beliefs in self-love and empowerment are reflected in her thriving brands.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:01:13

Phenomenally you phenomenal everywhere.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:01:16

And a Sisters' Sanctuary.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:01:18

Collectively the brands impact the world by providing inspirational messages,

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:01:23

laced with self-esteem boosting content.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:01:26

Lacey has a program specifically tailored to college bound teen

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:01:30

girls called Phenomenally you.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:01:33

It's eight s empowerment system highlights several areas to discuss

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:01:38

with girls, to help them navigate life in college and beyond.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:01:42

Even though it'll be several years before my daughters reach that point,

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:01:46

I found Lacey's personal story and insights to be engaging and helpful.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:01:50

And I think you will too.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:01:52

Here's our conversation.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:01:58

So let's jump right in.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:01:59

What got you started on the path of focusing on young women's empowerment.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:02:04

I'd love to hear a little of the backstory.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:02:06

Sure.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:02:07

So,

Lacey C. Clark: 00:02:07

my journey as a young woman was me being inundated with images from media that

Lacey C. Clark: 00:02:14

made me feel insecure and inferior.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:02:17

Like I couldn't ever live up to what they were saying I should be.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:02:21

I had the media that was so impactful in my life as a young person growing up.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:02:25

And that was really influential on me questioning what does it really mean to

Lacey C. Clark: 00:02:30

be, you know, a "it" woman and as I was consuming the media specifically media

Lacey C. Clark: 00:02:36

that was highly sexualized for women.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:02:38

I was trying to figure out what, where do I fit?

Lacey C. Clark: 00:02:41

Because I never really kind of had this sexy model type.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:02:44

That wasn't really my thing.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:02:45

You know what I mean?

Lacey C. Clark: 00:02:46

I was like, oh my gosh,

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:02:48

yes, I have to jump in and say, not seeing someone

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:02:51

that looks like someone you want to be.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:02:53

That's really, uh, it's a little bit of a mind bender.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:02:58

I realized as I evolved and became more of who I, who I was to

Lacey C. Clark: 00:03:03

become, it was really about me finding my own voice and my own presence and my

Lacey C. Clark: 00:03:08

own stance . I realized that not only had I struggled, but people who come up

Lacey C. Clark: 00:03:12

after me struggle with the same concepts.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:03:16

And so I wanted to create a place where young women can cultivate self love.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:03:20

It was really about creating a sanctuary from all the negativity and

Lacey C. Clark: 00:03:24

the negative words and the things that people say about women and young women.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:03:28

So that's what I, that's the journey of how and why started.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:03:31

You know, what's wonderful is that you

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:03:34

had these feelings of insecurity and not knowing how you fit in.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:03:38

And then somehow were able to overcome those feelings and then go on from there

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:03:43

to, um, want to help others who are experiencing similar issues or challenges.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:03:50

So, how did you overcome those low self-esteem feelings and

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:03:55

depression or insecurities

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:03:57

? Lacey C. Clark: Um, a lot of it

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:04:02

finding my voice or this thing that made me great or phenomenal.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:04:09

And so, a lot of times we compare ourselves to "The definition of being a

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:04:15

woman is to have this Coke bottle shape."

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:04:18

The definition of being a women is to look like this, right.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:04:23

And I think that those things are beautiful, you know,

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:04:25

that they have their places.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:04:26

Right.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:04:26

But there are also other experiences.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:04:28

And so for me, it was about finding what made me feel like I was a whole being.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:04:35

And what I had to offer was my voice.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:04:38

And I went to school for theater.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:04:40

I went to school for drama, and I was all into the arts.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:04:43

It was, understanding all of those things about myself and learning,

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:04:48

those things about myself, um, that helped me to understand that I

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:04:51

have something to offer the world.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:04:53

So that's what helped me overcome the, what if I don't look like this or do

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:04:58

this, or be this the way they say I should do it, then I'm not valuable.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:05:03

You know, there's, um, I had a previous

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:05:06

episode with a guest that I actually read a blog post of hers.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:05:10

She's a coach.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:05:11

One of the things she said was, telling your kids that they need to feel,

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:05:17

like a hundred percent beautiful.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:05:19

It can sound fake if it's a blanket statement, and so for

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:05:24

them to tell themselves, I am perfect, it may feel false to them.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:05:28

So a way to get your kids to feel that self love it, it resonates

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:05:32

with what you were saying with find a thing that they can be proud of.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:05:36

Find a body part that they love.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:05:38

They may not love their whole body, but maybe they love their eyes.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:05:41

So I love that you say similarly, with your life, you can acknowledge that you

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:05:46

don't, fit, whatever society's saying you should look like, or you should be like

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:05:51

or your grades should look like et cetera, but find those things that you love,

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:05:55

that give you a sense of fulfillment and, and be that, be passionate about that.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:06:00

Be proud of that.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:06:01

And learning You have the power to define what

Lacey C. Clark: 00:06:04

those things mean for you.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:06:06

Um, because when you look at a society and a culture that says, this is one way

Lacey C. Clark: 00:06:10

of being, and when you actually expand that way of being, success, beauty,

Lacey C. Clark: 00:06:17

love, et cetera, can be what you own.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:06:21

What is it that feels organic and true and honest?

Lacey C. Clark: 00:06:24

Define for yourself what these things mean and own it.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:06:28

And that's what self love or phenomenality is.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:06:30

It's "I'm defining my success.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:06:31

I'm defining my self, my self image.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:06:34

I love that.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:06:35

So, I guess, what, what advice would you give or have you given to the

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:06:41

teen girls and, and tween girls too?

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:06:43

Like, it's just some core tips that, you know, if you could talk to your

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:06:46

younger self, what are you saying to her?

Lacey C. Clark: 00:06:49

Good question.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:06:50

I just want to keep edifying the self-love concepts, because I think

Lacey C. Clark: 00:06:54

that it sounds kind of esoteric, right.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:06:57

You know, Valuing loving, honoring embracing yourself.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:07:03

Now, what does that mean?

Lacey C. Clark: 00:07:05

It means that as a young person, you are in a dynamic of, peer

Lacey C. Clark: 00:07:12

pressure and social dynamics, right?

Lacey C. Clark: 00:07:15

Like, okay, well, where do I fit in this area and what makes sense here?

Lacey C. Clark: 00:07:19

And I think a lot of times when we're in those kinds of places, the big

Lacey C. Clark: 00:07:22

thing specifically for young women, specifically for women is comparison.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:07:26

I'm not as fill in the blank as the next person.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:07:30

So my advice would be about really embracing what is there to love about me.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:07:38

And learning what there is to love about me is what you Edify, lift up.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:07:42

Again, I have Phenomenally U, which is an eight S empowerment

Lacey C. Clark: 00:07:45

system for girls who go to college.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:07:48

One of the S is sisterhood and the sisterhood S is important, because it

Lacey C. Clark: 00:07:53

says that you can actually compliment another woman as opposed to compete.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:07:59

That means if that young woman is good or that young girl is good at, I don't

Lacey C. Clark: 00:08:04

know, let's just say braiding hair, and another person is good at styling.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:08:09

could actually come up with, a whole image consultant

Lacey C. Clark: 00:08:12

experience, you know what I mean?

Lacey C. Clark: 00:08:13

Because wow, this person does hair.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:08:15

This person does fashion and we work together , so it's that kind of

Lacey C. Clark: 00:08:18

thinking as opposed to, oh my gosh.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:08:21

She's so good at dressing . I'm whack at fashion.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:08:24

Okay.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:08:24

Well, you may not be great at fashion, but you may be great at nails.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:08:26

Or this person maybe great at science and this person may be good at math, or this

Lacey C. Clark: 00:08:31

person is you get where I'm going right in

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:08:33

100 percent.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:08:34

Yeah.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:08:34

The point is, look for opportunities to compliment other

Lacey C. Clark: 00:08:38

young women, older girls, and so that's part of the S of sisterhood.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:08:42

It is not about constricting and competing because if you're not great at painting

Lacey C. Clark: 00:08:47

or you're not great at singing, no need to compare yourself to your weakness.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:08:52

Right.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:08:52

And, and I'd say that probably even goes for whether you like something or not.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:08:56

You know, there might be something that you don't like to do.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:09:00

And, and if you compare yourself trying to do something you don't like against

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:09:05

someone who adores it and wants to do it all the time, it's just kind

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:09:09

of an unhealthy situation, right.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:09:11

You're being inauthentic and showing up for you.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:09:13

Right.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:09:14

And you think, yeah, you're totally being inauthentic, and you think

Lacey C. Clark: 00:09:17

that, that thing that you don't like to do, that that's the thing to do.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:09:23

It's like that may not even be the thing to do.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:09:25

So the point of the matter is it's like, again, grabbing onto your

Lacey C. Clark: 00:09:27

authenticity, I love that you said that, you know, grabbing onto what

Lacey C. Clark: 00:09:31

feels organic, or cultivating what feels or cause you may not necessarily

Lacey C. Clark: 00:09:35

know as a young person, you know what I mean, but cultivating that.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:09:38

Mm Hmm.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:09:40

So this is a good segue into , you mentioned the empowerment system and the

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:09:45

eight SS, uh, what led you to work with, or focus on girls who are transitioning

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:09:50

to college and those later teen years.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:09:53

Great question.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:09:54

My work in general, over the course of the last 20 years, um, really had different

Lacey C. Clark: 00:09:59

niches of young women and teen girls.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:10:02

The whole point was empowering young women.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:10:04

But I actually wanted to target college and college bounds of population

Lacey C. Clark: 00:10:07

because, they are the next leaders.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:10:11

I wanted to actually help young women be, private successes,

Lacey C. Clark: 00:10:15

so it's the whole picture.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:10:17

Oftentimes, we have a lot of women who say, you know, we're chasing that career

Lacey C. Clark: 00:10:22

carrots and now that I'm all of these things that they tell us is success...

Lacey C. Clark: 00:10:28

How do we feel about our whole experience as a woman?

Lacey C. Clark: 00:10:31

Do we feel proud - if we are parents, are we healthier parents?

Lacey C. Clark: 00:10:36

Do we feel whole and healthy around being a wife, like this is the

Lacey C. Clark: 00:10:39

whole experience of being a woman.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:10:41

And so I wanted to focus on creating women who are private and public successes.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:10:49

that's the journey for the college bound girl.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:10:52

And so that's the general gist of why targeted that population.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:10:56

You know, it's so interesting cause I, I really

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:11:00

think that hopefully there's a shift that we as women and we as a society

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:11:06

are leaning into, but for so long.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:11:09

I remember feeling like in high school and in college, these are the boxes you

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:11:14

checked to be considered successful, but none of it had to do with how did I feel?

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:11:20

Did I have boundaries?

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:11:21

Was I emotionally balanced?

Lacey C. Clark: 00:11:23

Yeah.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:11:23

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: It's mental wellness.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:11:24

So bravo to you for identifying this.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:11:27

And I, I have chills thinking about like, it's so important.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:11:32

Thank you.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:11:32

Thank you so much and I think, the whole woman, right, they didn't never

Lacey C. Clark: 00:11:36

taught us about the whole woman.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:11:38

So the definition of success, you know, were trying to compete, and

Lacey C. Clark: 00:11:40

this is what they say we should do.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:11:42

And then we do that and oh am I a success yet and do, and be like all

Lacey C. Clark: 00:11:45

of these things that we're taught.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:11:46

And so the eight S empowerment system provides a framework to help, um,

Lacey C. Clark: 00:11:51

parents and young women pull from, um, the S's as inspiration and as

Lacey C. Clark: 00:11:59

a blueprint and a launching point.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:12:02

So that eight S experience, like you said, talk about sisterhood.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:12:07

We talk about self respect.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:12:09

We talk about success.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:12:11

We talk about smart.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:12:12

We talk about social media, we talk about service.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:12:16

Uh, so it was like all these S's that, um, when you talk about what kind of

Lacey C. Clark: 00:12:21

lifestyle you want to lead you want to check back in and say, well, do I

Lacey C. Clark: 00:12:25

feel like I am practicing self respect.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:12:29

If I make this decision, do I feel like I'm in integrity, um, with how

Lacey C. Clark: 00:12:35

I'm navigating my relationships.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:12:39

And so the mom and the parent can pull out an S and use that as a point of

Lacey C. Clark: 00:12:44

conversation for the week, Hey, how was self-respect for you this week or today?

Lacey C. Clark: 00:12:50

You know, how was that smart for you today?

Lacey C. Clark: 00:12:53

We talk about safety and the first important part about safety and how

Lacey C. Clark: 00:12:59

has to do with self-love is intuition.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:13:02

Right?

Lacey C. Clark: 00:13:03

That's a serious thing for women, the intuition, and

Lacey C. Clark: 00:13:06

being able to trust our gut.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:13:08

But because sometimes we don't have that cultivation or we're told, or

Lacey C. Clark: 00:13:12

that's why you should listen to that.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:13:13

You know what I mean?

Lacey C. Clark: 00:13:14

We don't really trust ourselves.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:13:16

Right.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:13:16

So oftentimes we can feel energies and we can feel things that are coming

Lacey C. Clark: 00:13:21

if we are conscious of ourselves.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:13:23

So stuff like that.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:13:24

So it's an opportunity for parents and young women to really have a

Lacey C. Clark: 00:13:28

framework as they continue to evolve.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:13:32

I think, as a parent, I hear you talking about these

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:13:36

concepts and all of them, I'm like, yes, that's so important to talk about.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:13:40

But the things that happen in life, whether it's their activities or

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:13:44

their schoolwork, or my own personal stresses or family drama, all of

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:13:48

that gets in the way of kind of remembering to have these conversations.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:13:52

So I love that you've created this framework.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:13:55

Because yeah, I see one of my goals as a mom is to introduce these ideas to

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:13:59

my daughters, but it does feel a little piecemeal sometimes like, "Oh right.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:14:03

I read an article about dating and consent," and then I'm like, well, okay.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:14:07

I'll tell them about it someday, and then it hasn't happened yet.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:14:10

And that was a year ago, you know, so I can see the value in a, in a

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:14:14

framework, which is, which is awesome.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:14:16

So, is this like a online course?

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:14:19

Is it a book?

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:14:20

Is it something that the teens take or the parents take?

Lacey C. Clark: 00:14:25

Thank you for asking that question.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:14:26

So actually the end-user is the girl.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:14:29

It's several different, uh, components.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:14:31

So there's eBooks and insight from phenomenally U ambassadors who actually

Lacey C. Clark: 00:14:35

went through the 8 S empowerment system about how they were able to

Lacey C. Clark: 00:14:38

use it on college campuses themselves.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:14:40

Um, so it's eBooks, video series, affirmations so that young woman

Lacey C. Clark: 00:14:44

could put her headset on and hear some affirmations, um, there's worksheets.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:14:49

The way that I would suggest using it, if that, you know, you can actually buy

Lacey C. Clark: 00:14:52

the ebook, consume it as a parent, um, and then, you know, pull out talking

Lacey C. Clark: 00:14:56

points and then you can actually give the ebook to the young woman and then

Lacey C. Clark: 00:14:59

she can pull out, um, talking points and you guys can continue to exchange.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:15:03

Okay.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:15:04

Um, something that came up for me was, have you noticed anything, or

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:15:10

have you learned anything that you think parents or moms could do to help

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:15:15

support their daughters in this journey?

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:15:18

I'm just curious if there's, uh, just kind of learnings you had from

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:15:22

your teens like, you know what, I wish that my mom did this, or I

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:15:25

wish my mom didn't do this and that.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:15:27

Yeah.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:15:28

Great question.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:15:31

Love that question.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:15:32

The first thing that came up for me was listening.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:15:36

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: Like seriously, listen.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:15:38

Right?

Lacey C. Clark: 00:15:38

Yeah, but I think the thing that you to keep saying is really

Lacey C. Clark: 00:15:40

powerful is that as a parent, um, you are in this survival mode, whether

Lacey C. Clark: 00:15:47

that's food on the table and, you know, Hey, didn't you learn about this?

Lacey C. Clark: 00:15:50

Didn't I teach you about that, Hey, don't do that.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:15:52

You know what I mean?

Lacey C. Clark: 00:15:53

And so I would just say that I think all humans love to be seen and heard.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:15:59

Right.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:15:59

All humans love to be seen and heard.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:16:03

And I think that's not different for your daughter.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:16:04

So I think, um, you know, ask some questions or get some answers

Lacey C. Clark: 00:16:10

that may be on her heart or trying to, you know, come from her heart.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:16:14

I would say if I reduce everything, I would say, listen, create opportunities

Lacey C. Clark: 00:16:19

to listen, um, create opportunities to really hear what she's processing

Lacey C. Clark: 00:16:23

and thinking about the world.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:16:26

Um, you know, I think when you create that space, that soft place, that vulnerable

Lacey C. Clark: 00:16:31

place, that, um, authentic place for you to listen to what she has to say, I think

Lacey C. Clark: 00:16:37

it just strengthens the relationship.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:16:38

Mm.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:16:39

So good.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:16:40

I'd like to wrap up with an affirmation or quote that you'd like to leave

Lacey C. Clark: 00:16:45

with the listeners, something that stands for what you believe

Lacey C. Clark: 00:16:49

in, or is maybe just a favorite.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:16:52

Hmm, I gotta go back to self-love again.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:16:58

You're worthy of your, of your own love.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:16:59

You're worthy of your own love.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:17:03

And I think a lot of times, specifically, as women as girls, you know, society

Lacey C. Clark: 00:17:08

conditions us to love everyone else.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:17:11

Um, and to like give first to everyone else.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:17:15

And I would say we are worthy of our own love.

Lacey C. Clark: 00:17:19

So the love that we put out in the world, or the giving that we put out

Lacey C. Clark: 00:17:22

into the world breathe and really give that same love to ourselves.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:17:33

What a grounding thought to end with.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:17:36

I'm so grateful to Lacey for generously sharing her story and wisdom.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:17:41

Here are my key takeaways from our chat.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:17:44

Number one, society, and the media will send your daughter all sorts

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:17:48

of messages about who she should be.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:17:50

Help her find something she identifies with something about herself or a skill

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:17:55

or an activity that she feels proud of.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:17:57

That makes her feel good.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:17:58

That spark can help ignite and fuel self-love.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:18:03

Number two.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:18:05

Remember that we get to define what success, beauty love, et cetera.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:18:09

Look like.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:18:10

Our culture might tell us it looks one way.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:18:13

But we have the power to change that definition.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:18:15

Define for yourself what these things mean and own it.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:18:20

Number three.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:18:21

Comparison is a mind trap for many women and girls.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:18:25

Try to shift comparison thinking towards thoughts of "What

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:18:29

is there to love about me?"

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:18:31

And encourage your daughter to do the same.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:18:33

Number four.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:18:35

Teach your daughters that we can compliment each other rather than compete.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:18:39

Celebrate, not just their own strengths, but others' strengths and see them

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:18:44

as opportunities to collaborate.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:18:46

This concept is covered in one of the eight S's inLacey's Phenomenally

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:18:51

You -the S of sisterhood.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:18:54

Number five.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:18:56

Lacey's best piece of advice for parents is to really listen.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:19:00

All humans love to be seen and heard.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:19:03

So create opportunities to really hear what your daughter is processing

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:19:06

and thinking about the world.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:19:09

And number six.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:19:10

As moms as women, we often love others first.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:19:14

And prioritize other's needs.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:19:16

So take a moment to recognize the love and generosity you put out into the world.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:19:21

And give that to yourself.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:19:23

If you're interested in learning more about Lacey and her work.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:19:26

You can visit a phenomenally you.com.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:19:29

That's phenomenally hyphen than the letter u.com.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:19:33

She's also on Instagram at Lacey C Clark.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:19:37

Lacey is spelled L A C E Y.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:19:39

then the letter C then Clark.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:19:42

These links are in the show notes as well.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:19:45

Thanks for listening.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:19:46

Your support means the world.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:19:48

If you liked what you heard, remember to subscribe, share with a friend and leave

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:19:52

a review on apple podcasts or Spotify.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:19:54

If you're on Instagram or Facebook, follow @knowberaisethem or look up

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:19:58

knowberaisethem for inspirational quotes, tips and reminders to help

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:20:02

you show up for yourself and your daughter, the way you want to.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:20:06

And feel free to DM me with comments, questions, feedback,

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:20:09

or if you just want to say hello.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:20:12

Again, I'm grateful for you.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:20:14

And applaud you for listening.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:20:16

And here's to strong women -may we know them, may we be