Empower Girls With These 10 Phrases (Encore) // by Wendy Snyder

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Hi everyone.

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So it's this height of summer and it's time to relax, reflect and

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catch up with yourself to take breaks from the routine of school and work.

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Everyone knows summer feels different.

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People take family vacations.

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Maybe you get summer Fridays.

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Maybe you let yourself stay up a little later as the light

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lingers in the sky longer.

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Still when I thought about my podcasting schedule earlier this

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year, I thought I would want to keep editing and releasing new podcasts

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weekly all through the summer.

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Almost like an analyst that pushes out weekly reports,

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you get used to this routine.

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So keeping up with it, shouldn't be a big deal.

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Right?

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well, I was completely wrong.

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I underestimated the amount of time and energy that summer schedules would

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eat up from schlepping, the kids to activities with different start and

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end times, unexpected summer colds and illness, family events, travel plans.

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All this time I used to spend recording, editing and promoting

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that was already broken up between different demands, was now being

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broken up into even smaller shards of.

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I also dove into other pursuits in a fit of pre-summer productivity prompted

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by the promise of a wide open summer.

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But suddenly several weeks later I realized I was stressed.

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Like I needed a break from summer break and I suspect I'm not alone.

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Either.

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Several listeners who also happen to be friends will say things

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like I have to catch up on the last few episodes or I'm behind.

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I haven't had a chance to listen since school.

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It.

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so to honor the need for more space and less summertime stress, I've decided

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to, re-release a few of the top episodes from the first season of know them.

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Be them, raise them.

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For you long time and loyal listeners.

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I suspect you may be grateful for the reminders, after all

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repetition is key to learning.

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Plus if you've been putting some of these ideas into practice,

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You'll find it rewarding to see what progress you've made.

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And for newer listeners, you may be hearing these fan

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favorites for the first time.

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I know it can be hard to dig into the back library of a podcast.

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So consider this my gift of serving up to you the best and brightest

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from the last several months.

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Whatever camp you fall into.

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I'm so glad you're here.

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May you have a wonderful glorious middle of the summer, and I'll be

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returning with new episodes for season two, which will launch in August.

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And if you haven't done so already, remember to head to

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knowberaisethem.com or the show notes to sign up for my newsletter.

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Follow @knowberaisethem on Instagram and on Facebook.

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Find facebook.com/knowberaisethem.

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Welcome to know them.

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Be them, raise them a show about raising tween and teen girls to help mindful

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progressive growth oriented and busy moms stay informed and inspired so

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they can show up for themselves and their daughters the way they want to.

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I'm your host Carmelita too.

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Today's article 10 important phrases parents can use to empower their daughter.

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Comes from Wendy Snyder.

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Wendy is a positive parenting teacher and family coach, helping families,

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parent with great purpose and intention by creating healthy, respectful,

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and cooperative relationships.

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She is a certified parent educator of redirecting children's behavior

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or RCB and an advocate for families, a mother to two vibrant children.

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Wendy has been dedicated to the application of positive

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parenting in her home since 2009.

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Wendy discovered the work of positive parenting when she was

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challenged and overwhelmed with the many trials of parenthood early in

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her motherhood experience through her company, fresh start family.

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Wendy gives parents the support and tools.

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They need to raise their children with firmness, kindness, strong

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limits, compassion, and empathy.

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Here's her article.

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Having daughters is such a beautiful combination of gifts and responsibilities.

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These incredible little women provide us with an opportunity to have the

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deepest and truest feminine friendship for life and to gift the world

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with the next generation of strong, compassionate, and driven female souls.

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But this takes work.

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There's no doubt about it.

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Harmony between mothers and daughters and the ability to lead.

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And have them listen, doesn't just happen.

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It's a relationship that has to be created and nurtured.

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Mutual respect can be taught from a young age, empowering both moms and daughters

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to truly feel like they belong both in our relationship together and in the world.

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Anchoring this sense of belonging for our girls is one of our most important jobs

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as a parent teaching our daughters that they belong in a world that often fills

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them with oppositional messages can be.

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So empowering them is key.

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When looking to build our girls up, commit to empowering them, to develop their

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voice, believe in themselves, stand up for what they believe in lean into their

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desire to feel powerful, love themselves, trust their gut, chase their dreams.

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Be firm with their nose.

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Be respectful and persistent in their stand against injustice.

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Seek peace in the areas.

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They see a need, allow their emotions to guide them, trust their heart.

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That vulnerability is good.

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Always believe in their innate goodness, allow empathy to guide

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them, use their hearts, to freely give compassion and have confidence

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that they can create any kind of life.

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They.

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Consider using these phrases with your daughters to empower them to lean into

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the strength, kindness, vision, and power.

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They each hold.

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Number one.

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I love you.

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No matter what, take a break from be good today.

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Or if you're good, you'll get extra hugs tonight.

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Instead, for example, say, I want you to know that I love you no matter what

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you will always and forever have my unconditional love no matter what.

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Unconditional love is at the core of positive parenting and means that our

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love for our kids does not depend on the level of good behavior they have

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rooting our parenting in unconditional love is essential to building strong,

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confident girls, trust that your daughters are good all the time.

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No matter what mistakes they make or challenges they face each

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day, feeding this truth into our girls, pours into their need to.

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Which is a key motivating factor that Dr.

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Rudolph Dreyer's grandfather of positive parenting helps us understand

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is underneath kids' behaviors, remove conditions and lean into unconditional

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love, even amidst, imperfection, and tough days, or stages of life.

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Number two, you are absolutely beautiful inside and out.

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Take a break from you.

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Look so pretty in that.

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Instead say, I love you in that dress and you are absolutely

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beautiful inside and out.

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Your heart is just as pretty as your gown.

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The world will give our girls plenty of messages that their beauty is all about.

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What's on the outside.

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So let's be sure to remind them often how true beauty comes from within

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confidence, kindness, optimism, compassion, these traits, radiate beauty

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from the heart in the most powerful.

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show your girls female role models, such as Malala, Bethany, Hamilton, and

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the 2018 Olympic women's hockey team.

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And explain how each of these women represents deep beauty.

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Number three, you are strong, and you've got this.

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I'm here to support you.

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Take a break from I'll talk to that.

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Girl's mom.

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It's not okay for her to treat you like that.

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Instead, for example, say, it sounds like you don't like the way

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your classmate is treating you.

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How will you let her know that you'd like her to be kind to you?

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You're strong and you've got this, I'm here to support you in order

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for our girls to feel empowered, to solve their own problems.

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It's essential that we let them try resist the urge to do it for them, rescue them,

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or always give the answer, allow them to be stretched so that they can find courage

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and seek to use that courage in their.

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Support them by being by their side, but allow them to use

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their voice for peaceful conflict resolution and to initiate change.

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Number four.

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How do you feel take a break from, oh, don't cry.

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It's okay, honey, don't worry about it.

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Everything's fine.

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Instead.

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Say, how did you feel when that happened or I can see your brother has upset you.

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How are you feeling and how will you take care of yourself to feel better?

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Feeling and processing emotions fully is essential for our girls to

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develop emotional strength as parents.

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It's important to know that emotions are neither right, nor wrong.

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They just are teacher girls that emotions are good.

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And that identifying how they're feeling will help them take action

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to feel better communicating that emotion such as sadness.

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Anger and hurt, contribute to the wholeness of life is important to help

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our daughters embrace all emotions, resist the urge to fix when guiding

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your girls and expect some level of messiness lean into the power

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of listening, which will guide your daughters to find their own solutions.

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Number five.

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Gosh, I love my fill in the name of the body part.

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What's your favorite part of your body?

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Take a break from, Ugh, this stomach.

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I need to lose some weight instead, say, gosh, I love my strong legs

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and how they were formed from my 15 years of springboard diving.

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They're my favorite part of my body.

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What's your favorite part of your body and why do you love it?

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teaching our girls to focus on one thing they love about their bodies.

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Instead of telling them they need to love.

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Every inch of themselves takes the pressure off.

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Having a quote unquote perfect body image, allow your daughters

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to express negative emotions about their bodies and resist the urge to

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make them wrong for their feelings.

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Instead, guide them to find one thing they love and empower them to

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put that at the top of their mind.

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Number six oh.

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Tell me more, take a break from you should do this, or,

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well, no wonder that happened.

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You shouldn't have fill in the blank instead, say, oh yeah.

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Tell me more.

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How did you feel?

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What happened?

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What did you do when the teacher said that I'm here to listen,

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developing a strong ability to listen intently to our daughters,

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empowers them to find and use their.

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It also allows them to express themselves freely and fully instead

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of being interrupted or rescued.

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When our daughters know they have a parent who will listen without always

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trying to fix them, they'll open up more, learn to trust their voice, express their

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feelings and communicate effectively, both with us and in the world.

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Number seven, how can you be a light in this situation?

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Take a break from stop being mean.

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I refuse to raise a mean.

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for example, say friendships with other girls can be really challenging.

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How can you be a light in this situation and use your

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kindness to solve the problem?

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Girl, relationships can get sticky and messy.

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Take a break from using the term mean, and instead, fill your daughter with the truth

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about who she really is kind good, loving, funny, resourceful, creative, caring, and.

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guide her to see creative ways to use those strengths, to solve problems

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with her friends, her classmates siblings, and you supplementing this

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phrase with a lesson on peaceful problem solving is always a great idea.

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Teach kids to take turns using a win-win exercise.

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Like I feel fill in the blank and I want fill in the blank.

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Number eight, you have a strong desire to feel powerful and that's good.

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Take a break from don't be so bossy.

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No one likes a bossy girl, or why can't you just listen,

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you always push back on rules.

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What's wrong with you.

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Instead say you are gifted with a strong desire to feel powerful, and

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that will make you an incredible leader.

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You need to practice expressing yourself with respect though.

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So let's try that again.

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Or.

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You have a strong desire to be in charge and that's a gift.

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Can you try asking your friends to play the game your way, instead

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of telling them what to do?

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Cheryl Sandberg, chief operating officer of Facebook writes in her book lean in.

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I want every girl who's told she's bossy to be told instead

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that she has leadership skills.

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What a gift it would be to mentor our daughters on how to see this need.

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They have to seek power.

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As good instead of something that makes them unattractive or bad,

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encourage your daughters to find ways to feel powerful in respectful

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ways and how to lead with integrity.

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Number nine, how will you be the change you want to see?

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Take a break from stop complaining about it.

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It'll never change, or those girls are mean don't be friends with.

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instead, you could say, I can see that you don't like the way these kids are acting.

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How will you be the change you wish to see?

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How can you respond to them in a way that you want them to follow suit?

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Empowering our daughters on how to influence others with integrity,

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fills them with the capability to create positive change in their

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peer groups, schools, community, and even their own families.

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Teaching our girls, how to continue acting with kindness, compassion, self-confidence

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grit, determination, and respect.

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Even when others aren't helps to develop strong character and high self-esteem.

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Number 10, I am not okay with fill in the blank or I'd like you to fill

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in the blank, take a break from you.

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Need to stop that, or you should listen more to what I.

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instead, for example, say I'm not okay with you using your hands to

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solve problems with your brother.

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I need you to take a pause, then use words to peacefully, resolve your problem

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with him using I statements and taking responsibility for our own emotions and

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desires teaches our girls to do the same.

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It also mentors our daughters to ask for what they want versus telling people

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what they don't want, which increases the rate at which others cooperate with them.

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Raising daughters who use I statements to own their choices, wishes, dreams,

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and goals helps to create a future generation of women who blame others

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less and take control to create the life they want instead of waiting

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for others or outside circumstances to provide the way there are so many

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good recommendations in this article.

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I feel the need to recap them right away.

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So the 10 phrases are number one.

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I love you.

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No matter what, number two, you are absolutely beautiful inside and out.

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Number three, you are strong and you've got this.

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I'm here to support you.

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Number four, how do you feel?

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Number five.

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Gosh, I love.

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And then name the body part, your own body part.

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What's your favorite part of your body?

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Number six.

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Oh yeah.

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Tell me more.

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number seven.

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How can you be a light in this situation?

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Number eight, you have a strong desire to feel powerful.

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And that's good.

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Number nine.

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How will you be the change you want to see?

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And 10, I am not okay with fill in the blank or I'd like you to fill

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in the blank using I statements.

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all of these resonated on some level either I've lived through situations

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or there've been other episodes where we've discussed particular aspects.

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The three that particularly resonated are, gosh, I love my

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legs or, gosh, I love my, my hands.

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I, I hadn't really thought about.

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How trying to speak in generalizations about you should love your body,

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may overemphasize this desire to be perfect and maybe set them up for

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unrealistic expectations, which then creates some dissonance with, with

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the emotions they actually feel.

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So I, I remember reading this at one point and saying to myself, I'm gonna talk more

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about like how strong my, my legs are.

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Especially after working out, you feel just super amped.

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But where I fell short is asking them what their favorite part of their body is.

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Uh, and getting that dialogue in place is important as well.

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The other one, you have a strong desire to feel powerful and that's good.

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I don't think I've ever spoken that in such a direct way.

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I certainly encouraged my girls to speak up and to share their

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opinions, but in moments when it does start to border on perhaps.

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And a level of assertiveness that I might not be totally comfortable

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with acknowledging that in that moment, it's not all bad that the

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desire to feel powerful is good.

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That is a perspective shift for me.

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And I'm definitely gonna sit with that and process it a bit to see

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how I can incorporate that more.

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I also loved number 10.

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I am not okay with that.

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Or I'd like you to fill in the blank, whatever it is that, that you want.

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I know that.

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My daughters and I are good at articulating what it is that we'd

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like to see work out differently.

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I'm just not sure how often I encourage them to say, I'm not

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okay with that versus making it this impartial third party thing.

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That's not fair.

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That is wrong versus I am not okay with that.

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It's kind of a nuance that I will be more conscious about.

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And I like Wendy's encouragement saying how daughters who use I statements to own

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their choices, et cetera, end up blaming others less and taking more control of

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creating the life they want instead of waiting for others to step in or waiting

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for the circumstances to magically align.

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I hadn't really thought about how the words they use and I statements

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could really help put that into play.

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I hope you're excited to talk to your daughter and use these

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phrases after today's episode.

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A big, thanks to Wendy Snyder for her insights and setting up these

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phrases in a succinct and easy to understand way to learn more about

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Wendy and a fresh start family.

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Visit www dot fresh start family.

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online.com.

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She's also on Instagram at fresh start Wendy, and there's a podcast.

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The fresh start family show that you can tune into those links are

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in the show notes, along with the link to her free guide, raising

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strong willed kids with integrity.

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There's also a free class.

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You can take on power struggles, just go to her website, register there

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and you can attend the next session.

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Thank you for listening.

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I really believe that by listening and leaning into learning about ourselves.

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Parenting and the issues facing women and girls, including our daughters.

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We are empowering them and changing the world bit by bit.

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If you found something helpful or insightful in the episode, remember

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to subscribe to the podcast, tell a friend and follow at know,

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be, raise them on Instagram.

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And as always here's to strong women, may we know them?

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May we be them?