Sex Talk(s): How to Have Them and Overcome the Awkward // with Sarah Sproule

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:00:02

Hi, everyone.

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I'm Carmelita too.

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And welcome to know them.

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Be them, raise them a show to help busy, mindful growth oriented moms stay

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Okay.

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Who of us has not cringed a little bit thinking about sex talks with your kids.

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I have been pretty open with my girls, trying to talk about sex as things

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come up and answer their questions in an age appropriate and casual way.

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But even with a fair amount of practice talking about sex

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still kind of feels weird.

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I still hesitate and feel a bit cringy as the kids say, hearing sex related words,

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come out of my mouth when talking to them.

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It made me wonder why does this awkwardness exist?

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And can we make it less awkward for our kids?

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So we have a healthier dialogue about sex and bodies and

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relationships going forward.

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My guest today, Sarah.

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Sarah Sproul unpacks, all of this.

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When Sarah was 11.

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She was afraid.

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She was only growing one breast and didn't know who to turn to for help.

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Now as a mother of three teens with two decades experience as a therapist

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and a master's in sexuality studies.

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Sarah uses her skills as an occupational therapist.

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Pissed and sex educator.

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To ensure every parent and caring adult.

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He knows how to nurture deeper connection.

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With our growing kids.

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Because no child should ever feel alone and unable to reach out for help.

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With their body, their boundaries, or their knowledge about sexuality.

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And yes, Sarah eventually grew two breasts, roughly the same size.

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Here's our conversation.

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Welcome, Sarah.

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I am so excited to have you here with us.

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When I heard about your area of expertise, it kind of sent chills through my spine

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because I have absolutely been there and I've had conversations with other moms

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and parents about this particular topic.

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So,

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I'm so glad you're here to share with us today.

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It's an honor to be invited.

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So thank you so much.

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I'm excited for the work you do here on your podcast.

Sarah Sproule: 00:02:31

CA it's great.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:02:32

Thank you.

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Well, jumping right in, I love this idea of you helping

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parents overcome the awkward.

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I saw that phrase pop up in your website and your bio.

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And it just resonates so much with me.

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So.

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I think a question I'd like to start with is where does this awkward come from?

Sarah Sproule: 00:02:50

So my work is to support families, to have

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conversations about sensitive things.

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And when I say sensitive things, it's a euphemism or it's, it's the

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way the parents, I work with talk about topics related to sex bodies,

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puberty, babies, consent, the darkness around sexuality when it

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goes wrong, all those sorts of things.

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And, oftentimes parents will, come with stories of, memories they have

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about growing up when either nothing very much was said about puberty.

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For example, that's just take one example.

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And instead they were given a book where they could learn about periods or, um,

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:03:31

Oh, my gosh, raising my hand here.

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Yes.

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or erections or whatever it was.

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Okay.

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So that's, that's one story or.

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There was just very little conversations at home.

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Or maybe a parent said something like, I, you know, you can ask me anything.

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Right.

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And they were left thinking, well, I don't really feel like that.

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You're saying that, um, I have a story when I was 11.

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My mom came in to talk to me about periods and I was so.

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Sort of horrified at the idea and so embarrassed and awkward about it, that

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I sort of yelled at her get out of my room, get out of my room, get it, just get

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out, get it, you know, until she got out and I sort of shut the door forcefully.

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And I was like, oh, I th that was just so awkward.

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So when we're talking about that awkwardness, it's.

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Not only is it maybe coming from our child who, when they're at a

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particular age, they just feel this sense of they need their privacy.

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They don't want to talk about embarrassing things related to their body.

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And it can also be from our side too, that we haven't had

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an experience of open natural conversations about sensitive things.

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And when I say that, when I say we haven't had an experience of it, first of all,

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that means it hasn't been modeled to us.

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But the other thing is our nervous system or our body has not had proof

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that talking about these sort of conversations is a natural, normal

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everyday part of being human.

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So the opposite of that is in fact, the case we've had evidence that these

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sort of conversations are actually things that you don't talk about.

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You're only read about in books, people sort of allude to them, or if they're

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talked about at school and everyone giggles and sort of titters, and

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maybe you get out of class and someone shows you something embarrassing.

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You know, on a piece it my day it was a piece of paper

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nowadays, it would be a phone.

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So it's not just our absence of modeling, natural open conversations,

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but it's the presence of awkwardness being modeled to too.

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So we're taught almost to associate that feeling with these topics.

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as you mentioned that, I also think there's

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media messaging that reinforces awkwardness between parents and kids.

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So I know I've seen any number of movies.

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Maybe the parent is reluctant to talk about it or they're passing

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off who has to be the one to have this difficult conversation.

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And, uh, as if it's a burden And, a chore and something that you're

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inevitably going to mess up or fail and, and that's a bad thing.

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So yeah, those are really interesting insights around the source of that.

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You know, I think about that, that's a lovely sort of awareness

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that you've just brought there to how the media models this part of parenting to us.

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And I sort of think about like what other part of parenting is modeled in that way.

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Like giving our kids the experience of eating of wide variety of vegetables.

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There's no parent discussion about who's going to give the vegetables, right?

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There's very little parent discussion about, should we do swimming

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lessons because it's sort of almost universally accepted that there

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are things that children need from caring adults that protect them and

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support them in their growing up.

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But this thing that we're talking about here, natural open conversations

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about sensitive things related to sex.

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It's got that like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

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I sort of thought

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Earmuffs.

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Yeah.

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Can't hear you.

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So as parents, do you have suggestions on how we can shake those feelings

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or processed them instead of feeling overwhelmed by them or letting that

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control how we approach a situation?

Sarah Sproule: 00:07:16

yes.

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So the, the first thing to do is to give yourself permission to feel them

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because anytime we have a strong emotion, I mean, this is just not in parenting.

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This is in sort of every aspect of being human.

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When we have a strong emotion or a strong belief that we should able to.

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Doing something.

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And yet we can't do it.

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If we are sort of pushing ourselves, pushing, pushing, pushing, it is counter

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productive and that's especially true when it comes to conversations about

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sensitive things, because, um, what we're doing, if we, if we're modeling to our

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child that even though this doesn't feel good, I'm going to push through and try

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and have this conversation with you.

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not modeling consent.

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So already in conversations about sensitive things, the way we treat

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ourselves, as we attempt to get clear about the fact that, you know, what

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we're trying to do something new than what we had in our past, that

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modeling is teaching in our family.

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Right?

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Oh my gosh.

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That just gave me, uh, an aha moment, it's not enough to say

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the words, it's how you say them too, and how you show up for that.

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I think on some level.

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Having the conversation in my mind felt like the box was being checked.

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But that's a really, really good point, if I'm reluctant, if I'm doing it

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in a way that makes it seem as if I don't want to be doing it, uh, Yeah.

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I never thought about that tie into consent And what that can imply.

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and, you know, I'm thinking about what we're talking about

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here and realizing that that could be an additional burden, like, um, someone could

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be listening to this going, oh, hang on.

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You mean, I can't just say that, um, this is the way babies are made that there

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are sperms and there are eggs and a penis comes together with the, with the vagina

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and the sperm is delivered in the egg.

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And you mean, I don't just say that?

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Um, and the answer is no, because first of all, there are lots of

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ways that babies are created.

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Second of all, there are lots of reasons why people have sex that are

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not related to making you humans.

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And, the third part of it is that the emotion and the

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experience of it is important.

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And so when we acknowledge and we accept that we have awkwardness around

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this topic, what it shows us is that the world is a weird place when it

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comes to talking about bodies and when it comes to talking about genitals.

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Right?

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So, um, one of the ways to make it easier is actually to start

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earlier in our kid's life.

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If that is possible.

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Is there a right time to bring it up, because

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I know that at schools, oftentimes it's introduced through health or sex

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education, maybe around 10 years old.

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What are your thoughts?

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So all the work I do is about building

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deeper connections in families.

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Okay.

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So, that's the glasses on which I look through everything.

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Um,

Sarah Sproule: 00:10:07

um, when I think about conversations particularly about sex,

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now, we're talking about what sex is I think about, well, what is going to be

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the most connecting thing, a family.

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Can do when it comes to this topic.

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And the most connecting thing is to have that conversation.

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And when I say that competition, I mean, it's a series of conversations,

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everything we're talking about here.

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There is so much richness and depth to it and detail, um, that

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it's almost like the way we teach table manners to young children.

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Like we don't just sit down one day and teach table manners over years, we start.

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You know, teach them how to use a spoon and reminding them that they sit at the

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table, they don't run around and that, um, we don't throw food on the floor and

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we remind and we remind and we repeat and repeat and they get a bit older and then

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we add something in, we add something in.

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So that's the same thing for conversations about all sorts of

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weird and wacky sensitive things.

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Um, so while health class might do it at 10, 11, sometime around then

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my recommendation is to be actively talking about bodies and using accurate

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names for genitals, from a very young age, we are creating the foundation of

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much more comfortable conversations.

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can talk about, you know, that your body is your own and you

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get to decide what happens to it.

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And your body can tell you.

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You know, you, don't something doesn't feel right.

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And then you go up to the next level and then you can start talking about spans in

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eggs from sort of four and around the age of six or seven, you can talk about, well,

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how the sperms and eggs get together.

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Right.

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And so, and when we have this ongoing led conversation, cause that's what

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it is layering over time, a bit like.

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a pastry you know, how you layer it out and he gets a beautiful, fluffy croissant.

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That's what we're doing.

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We're trying to make the beautiful, fluffy croissant of sensitive conversations.

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And so that when they get to health class or biology or whatever it

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is, the information is not new.

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And their nervous system does not get signals of.

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I haven't heard this before.

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Everyone's laughing.

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What's going on instead they're sitting in their class going, oh yeah, I know.

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Well, this, um, why are people giggling?

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This is just normal everyday sort of information that our

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family, we talk about it.

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And I suppose.

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The other reason why we start early is because it sends a signal to our child

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that even if other people don't talk about these things in our family, we do,

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we are a family that talks to each other.

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We are a family that will do things that, um, say things and talk

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about things and answer questions.

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Even if other people, um, say, oh, no, you don't need to know that if our child

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is asking questions, We answered them.

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If a child isn't asking questions, then we'll bring up the topic

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because we know it's so important.

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So the earlier the better and, um, early and often is the mantra in sexuality,

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education speak early talk often.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:12:56

Now, if we have older kids say there's a listener that has

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a 16 and a 14 year old, is it too late?

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What would you suggest for them?

Sarah Sproule: 00:13:05

It's never too late.

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One of the stories I tell about this is, I work in Ireland, so it's a

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little island off the coast of Europe.

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Um, and we had a referendum a few years ago that was talking about,

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who was allowed to be married under the law in our country.

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And because that referendum was happening, what it meant was that

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families all over our country were having conversations about things

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they had never talked about before.

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I, and when I say families, you might think that means families

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of 16 year olds and 12 year olds.

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And that was happening, but actually families, um, older parents who are

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in their seventies and eighties who were having conversations with grown

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adults in their fifties, who they had never been able to be open to.

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The fact that the reality of what their life was like, what the gender

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of their partner, for example, and in those moments, we were hearing

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stories about these families who that the love and the acceptance

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that were starting to flow because a conversation was happening around sexual

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orientation that was open and willing.

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People were willing to listen to each other's reality.

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connection that grew from those conversations was quite extraordinary.

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And the lesson of that is it isn't, it doesn't matter how old our children are.

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It doesn't matter how old we are.

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There is still an opportunity to use conversations about sensitive things

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in a way to show acceptance and love and support for our children.

Sarah Sproule: 00:14:36

No matter who they are and who they grow up to love.

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So when it comes to a 16 year old and a 14 year old, if we have not

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ever had an open conversation about something to do with sex with them,

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then we can start off with taking the responsibility on ourselves because

Sarah Sproule: 00:14:54

we are the adult in this relationship.

Sarah Sproule: 00:14:56

Right.

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And so we could start a conversation.

Sarah Sproule: 00:14:59

Somebody like, I need to apologize.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:15:02

Um,

Sarah Sproule: 00:15:03

And, you know, I don't know.

Sarah Sproule: 00:15:04

I have teens, I've got an 18 year old, a 16 year old and a 14 year old.

Sarah Sproule: 00:15:08

And I need to apologize to you.

Sarah Sproule: 00:15:10

Oftentimes I'll go.

Sarah Sproule: 00:15:11

Right.

Sarah Sproule: 00:15:12

Okay.

Sarah Sproule: 00:15:12

Like, cause, cause they're like, what's going on?

Sarah Sproule: 00:15:15

This is, she's not blaming me for something.

Sarah Sproule: 00:15:16

There's something that's gone wrong and she's apologizing.

Sarah Sproule: 00:15:19

What's the deal there.

Sarah Sproule: 00:15:20

Right.

Sarah Sproule: 00:15:20

I need to apologize to you.

Sarah Sproule: 00:15:21

And then we can follow along.

Sarah Sproule: 00:15:23

I have just realized that there was a whole pot of talking openly

Sarah Sproule: 00:15:28

to you, but I didn't know about, or that I felt awkward about.

Sarah Sproule: 00:15:32

And I didn't do.

Sarah Sproule: 00:15:33

And I'm really sorry

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:15:35

Um,

Sarah Sproule: 00:15:36

that means you may not feel supported or you might not

Sarah Sproule: 00:15:39

really feel able to come to me with worries or concerns or questions.

Sarah Sproule: 00:15:44

And, um, I know that now, but I didn't know that then.

Sarah Sproule: 00:15:48

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: Oh, that is so good.

Sarah Sproule: 00:15:49

I just, I don't mean to cut you off, but I just have to say that is so good.

Sarah Sproule: 00:15:54

Thank you for that script , uh, I can see myself having to use that at some

Sarah Sproule: 00:15:58

point where I've forgotten to bring something up and those words And those

Sarah Sproule: 00:16:01

sentences, and that idea of starting out with taking responsibility.

Sarah Sproule: 00:16:07

it also models so much.

Sarah Sproule: 00:16:10

It models.

Sarah Sproule: 00:16:11

what I was going to say.

Sarah Sproule: 00:16:11

Yes.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:16:12

So continue.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:16:13

I cut you off.

Sarah Sproule: 00:16:14

no, no, because it's beautiful.

Sarah Sproule: 00:16:15

I love this conversation.

Sarah Sproule: 00:16:16

I think you're right there about modeling because wouldn't, most of us want our

Sarah Sproule: 00:16:21

young person to grow up into an adult who can take responsibility for their part in

Sarah Sproule: 00:16:26

complex conflicts or situations, you know?

Sarah Sproule: 00:16:30

I definitely want that for my children.

Sarah Sproule: 00:16:32

In fact, I know that, um, in my relationship, The bedrock of its

Sarah Sproule: 00:16:38

success and its progress has been both of our ability to claim responsibility

Sarah Sproule: 00:16:42

for our part of whatever is going on.

Sarah Sproule: 00:16:45

And so parenting gives us the opportunity to model that as well.

Sarah Sproule: 00:16:50

And I think with older children, particularly, um,

Sarah Sproule: 00:16:54

we need to understand that.

Sarah Sproule: 00:16:57

We need to get their buy-in for when things change.

Sarah Sproule: 00:17:00

So if we're changing the habit in our family, like we haven't talked

Sarah Sproule: 00:17:04

about things related to sex and bodies and consent and all that.

Sarah Sproule: 00:17:07

And now we realize we need to, um, we can't just say so on your parents

Sarah Sproule: 00:17:11

or here's what's going to happen because that's not consensually.

Sarah Sproule: 00:17:14

Like it's more about, um, could we sit down.

Sarah Sproule: 00:17:17

And maybe have a meeting to try and work out a way that this, we could

Sarah Sproule: 00:17:21

do this in the best way for you.

Sarah Sproule: 00:17:23

And in a way that I feel like you've got everything you need,

Sarah Sproule: 00:17:26

right?

Sarah Sproule: 00:17:26

So it's those two needs are held with equal respect.

Sarah Sproule: 00:17:30

Our young persons need to feel comfortable, and our parenting needs

Sarah Sproule: 00:17:36

to feel sure that our young person has the information that is going to keep

Sarah Sproule: 00:17:40

them safe and give them skills to, to have healthy and happy relationships.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:17:45

That seems like such an important thing that

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:17:47

it's not just the what, but the how.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:17:50

Hmm.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:17:51

Love it.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:17:52

Now I, you know, learning about sex and kind of layering on these topics

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:17:56

as teens have more agency to be on their own they may find themselves in

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:18:00

situations where parents aren't around to protect them and say, is sexual assault

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:18:04

something that is, is that an added layer to that sex discussion in a way?

Sarah Sproule: 00:18:10

Yeah, well, actually that can be woven through a conversation.

Sarah Sproule: 00:18:13

So that's not something that we wait and talk about when our

Sarah Sproule: 00:18:16

teens have got more independence.

Sarah Sproule: 00:18:18

Right.

Sarah Sproule: 00:18:18

Um, so go back to the table, manners analogy.

Sarah Sproule: 00:18:22

We don't wait for our young person's first invitation to someone else's

Sarah Sproule: 00:18:26

house for dinner to sit down and teach them all the things.

Sarah Sproule: 00:18:30

Right.

Sarah Sproule: 00:18:30

So we're talking about how, when we go out, , Well, we are quiet and

Sarah Sproule: 00:18:35

we talk with our inside voice and we use a knife and fork together

Sarah Sproule: 00:18:38

and all those sorts of things.

Sarah Sproule: 00:18:39

So we're leading up to that point where they will be in a situation

Sarah Sproule: 00:18:44

where we're not there and they need to rely on their skills.

Sarah Sproule: 00:18:47

So in the same way, when it comes to this conversation and you're talking about

Sarah Sproule: 00:18:51

abuse prevention and, um, in my world, I would describe that as learning consent

Sarah Sproule: 00:18:57

skills, that we are creating situations at home where our kids and our young people,

Sarah Sproule: 00:19:04

um, experience what it feels like to have their voice respected, for example.

Sarah Sproule: 00:19:10

So we're setting up situations where they are offered choices for things

Sarah Sproule: 00:19:15

around our home, rather than the dynamic of you do what you're told.

Sarah Sproule: 00:19:20

Right.

Sarah Sproule: 00:19:20

Because if we have particular.

Sarah Sproule: 00:19:23

Daughters or, um, quietly spoken, gentle kids, the importance of modeling to

Sarah Sproule: 00:19:30

them, what respectful listening and acknowledgement of their opinion and their

Sarah Sproule: 00:19:35

needs feels like that's a body sensation.

Sarah Sproule: 00:19:39

You know, hearing ourself treated with respect in our home.

Sarah Sproule: 00:19:43

And so when they're going out then , their body, once they know what it

Sarah Sproule: 00:19:47

feels like to be respected, that they've got a radar for when it doesn't

Sarah Sproule: 00:19:51

like, um, I heard a 16 year old was telling her mom a few months

Sarah Sproule: 00:19:57

ago that she was talking to.

Sarah Sproule: 00:20:00

It was a boyfriend actually.

Sarah Sproule: 00:20:02

And she came home to a mum and said, like, he doesn't listen.

Sarah Sproule: 00:20:06

doesn't listen.

Sarah Sproule: 00:20:06

Like he's not listening to what I'm saying is just going

Sarah Sproule: 00:20:09

off and doing something else.

Sarah Sproule: 00:20:12

And the only reason that she knew that is because she understands

Sarah Sproule: 00:20:16

what it feels like to be heard.

Sarah Sproule: 00:20:18

Right.

Sarah Sproule: 00:20:19

So there's that opportunity to judge against what healthy and

Sarah Sproule: 00:20:23

good and respectful feels like.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:20:25

Yeah.

Sarah Sproule: 00:20:26

Well, there are lots of other abuse prevention sort of strategies

Sarah Sproule: 00:20:30

where I come from in my work is how can we live what healthy feels like.

Sarah Sproule: 00:20:37

And as we live, what healthy feels like, and we're offering our young

Sarah Sproule: 00:20:42

person a chance to sort of shape how they get information, then they're

Sarah Sproule: 00:20:48

understanding what healthy feels like.

Sarah Sproule: 00:20:49

And they're getting information both in a way that feels good.

Sarah Sproule: 00:20:52

And, um, and that way, then everything comes together and we're

Sarah Sproule: 00:20:57

doing the best, the best we can.

Sarah Sproule: 00:20:59

The reason I say that is because it doesn't matter and this will be a little

Sarah Sproule: 00:21:03

bit dark, but I think it's important to say it doesn't matter how many

Sarah Sproule: 00:21:07

conversations we have and how careful we are and how upskilled out young prison is.

Sarah Sproule: 00:21:11

There is still an element of chance, horrible chance, you know?

Sarah Sproule: 00:21:16

And so as adults.

Sarah Sproule: 00:21:19

Skills can we put in place in ourselves to be there, even when things go, go

Sarah Sproule: 00:21:25

badly wrong and so that we can stay calm and really be there for our young

Sarah Sproule: 00:21:30

person, because at the end of the day, we're their parent, whether or not they.

Sarah Sproule: 00:21:38

Do something to someone else inadvertently or just because they

Sarah Sproule: 00:21:42

didn't know, or they are done to in some way by someone else's, um, by

Sarah Sproule: 00:21:47

someone else's young person, you know?

Sarah Sproule: 00:21:49

So it's all about setting ourselves up to be there, no matter what.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:21:53

Yes.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:21:53

Being able to accommodate those moments as well, living in a, way that makes

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:21:59

it okay for them to come to you with also the not so great things and

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:22:03

the confusing moments, et cetera.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:22:05

Um, you've covered so much.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:22:07

I feel so much smarter after a short time talking with you.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:22:11

I'd love to know if you have any affirmations or maybe phrases of

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:22:15

encouragement that you'd like to leave the listeners with as we tackle

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:22:19

difficult and hard conversations.

Sarah Sproule: 00:22:23

The thing that is really helps the people in my world that I

Sarah Sproule: 00:22:26

work with, but actually personally has made such a difference has been

Sarah Sproule: 00:22:29

the practice of self compassion.

Sarah Sproule: 00:22:32

And, um, there are three simple self-compassion phrases that apply so

Sarah Sproule: 00:22:38

much to parenting, but specifically to conversations about sensitive

Sarah Sproule: 00:22:41

things and they are, um, this is hard.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:22:45

Um,

Sarah Sproule: 00:22:45

Anyone would find this hard and, you are not on your own.

Sarah Sproule: 00:22:50

So if it's possible, Sort of step into the, yeah, this is complicated.

Sarah Sproule: 00:22:56

You're not on your own that it's complicated and in the

Sarah Sproule: 00:22:58

moment when you acknowledge it's complicated, give yourself a bit

Sarah Sproule: 00:23:01

of a hug and say, you know what?

Sarah Sproule: 00:23:03

It's okay.

Sarah Sproule: 00:23:04

This is just like any other part of parenting.

Sarah Sproule: 00:23:06

It's hard.

Sarah Sproule: 00:23:07

Um, that's the thing, rather than running away from the complexity

Sarah Sproule: 00:23:11

of the moment turning and face, it has like a balm to my soul.

Sarah Sproule: 00:23:17

And so, um, I offer that.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:23:20

I loved this conversation with Sarah and I'm

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:23:23

stunned by how much I learned and how many nuances there are to this topic.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:23:28

Here were my top takeaways.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:23:30

Number one.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:23:31

I actively talk about sex, genitals and bodies from an early age, if possible, to.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:23:36

Create a foundation for more comfortable conversations that way

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:23:40

when your child gets to health class or their peers start talking about it.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:23:44

The information isn't new and they don't feel awkward as it's been normalized.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:23:48

Also, it sends a signal that your family talks to each other, and it's

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:23:52

safe to ask and answer questions.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:23:54

Even if other families don't operate that way.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:23:57

Number two.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:23:58

Give yourself permission to feel awkward.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:24:01

It's okay to feel that way.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:24:03

If we model to our kids, that conversations about

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:24:05

sensitive topics are a burden.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:24:07

Like you don't want to do it, but you're going to push through and try

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:24:10

to have this conversation anyway.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:24:12

That's not muddling consent.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:24:14

It's not enough to say the words.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:24:16

It's how you say them too.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:24:18

Number three, it's never too late to start having an open conversation

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:24:22

about sex with your kids.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:24:24

There's always an opportunity to use conversations about sensitive things.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:24:28

In a way that shows acceptance and love and support for our children.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:24:33

Number four it's on you to claim responsibility for not

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:24:37

talking about things sooner.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:24:39

Here's a sample script for late comers to the open conversation game.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:24:43

I need to apologize to you.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:24:45

I just realized that there are a lot of things I didn't know about or that

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:24:48

I felt awkward about, and I didn't do.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:24:50

Do.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:24:51

And I'm really sorry.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:24:53

Because that means you might not feel supported or able to come to me

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:24:56

with worries, concerns or questions.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:24:59

I know that.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:24:59

Now, but I didn't know it then.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:25:02

Number five.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:25:03

If you are introducing a topic for the first time when your child is

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:25:06

older, get buy-in for this change.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:25:09

Try to work out a way that makes sense for both of you where they can

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:25:13

feel comfortable and you can share with them the information they.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:25:16

I need.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:25:17

Number six, create situations at home where your child's voice is respected.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:25:22

So they know that sensation and will be able to recognize situations

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:25:26

when they don't have that.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:25:28

Live what healthy feels like.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:25:31

And number seven.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:25:32

Treat yourself with compassion.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:25:35

Remember, anyone would find this hard.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:25:37

You are not on your own and give yourself a little hug and tell yourself.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:25:42

It's okay.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:25:43

To learn more about Sarah Sproul.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:25:45

Visit Sarah sproul.com.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:25:47

That's S a R a H S P R O U L e.com.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:25:54

And follow at.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:25:55

I am Sarah Sproul on Instagram.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:25:58

You can check out her podcast too.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:25:59

It's called sitting in a car.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:26:01

Where she discusses sexuality relationships and consent for

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:26:05

parents of teens and little kids.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:26:07

You can find sitting at a car on all the major platforms.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:26:10

And she also offers a 15 minute training on how to talk to really young kids

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:26:14

about what sex is for making a baby.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:26:16

At Sarah sproul.com/bio.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:26:20

These links are in the show notes as well.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:26:22

So feel free to head there to get them.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:26:24

A huge.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:26:25

Thanks for listening.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:26:26

I am honored and humbled to share a portion of your day with you.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:26:30

If you found something helpful or insightful, remember to

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:26:33

subscribe or follow, tell a friend and leave that review.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:26:36

Again, so grateful for you and here's to strong women.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 00:26:40

May we know them, may we be them?